How Being Single Long-Term Changes Your Views About Love

How Being Single Long-Term Changes Your Views About Love ©iStock/Georgijevic

The way we view love has a lot to do with how we approach relationships. When you’ve been rolling solo for a long time, your thoughts about finding Mr. Right necessarily change, in good ways and bad. Here’s how women who’ve been single long-term approach love differently:

  1. You realize how rare real love really is. Love isn’t the guy you lock eyes with at the grocery store or the one you dated in high school — it’s the connection between two people that can’t be forced. It’s the journey you share with another human being and the things you learn about him that gives you the sense of security that comes with knowing you can trust him with the love you have to give. Love isn’t immediate; it’s timeless.
  2. You know now that what you thought was love before really wasn’t. You look back on your past relationships when you thought you were truly in love, only to realize that it never really lived up to what you know love can truly be. Nothing you’ve experienced so far will ever come close to the love that will eventually carry you for the rest of your days.
  3. You witness love in different forms that many people overlook. You’ve paid close attention to couples in relationships and you realize the way they show love without actually saying the words. You realize love is making the morning coffees, it’s helping him achieve his goals just as he helps you, and it’s also loving him even when he doesn’t love himself.
  4. You hold your love closer to your heart. You understand how valuable real love is, and because of this, you hold on to what you have to give more closely. Maybe the reason finding love has become so hard is because we’re all just holding on to it so tightly. Maybe we’re all walking around carrying and endless amount of love waiting for the precisely right person to finally give it away to.
  5. You understand real love is a fight. Real love is a battle. To hold, to keep, and to continue forever, we know that even when we do find the love we desire, it won’t come without its own set of challenges. The good thing is, in our long-term journey of being single, we know challenges inside and out, and we’re ready for the rewarding war.
  6. You know finding love isn’t the meaning of life. You know that love is beautiful and magnificent, but it’s not the only end game and it’s not what defines you, because you’ve spent a long time defining yourself without it. Because of this, you know that love is an added treasure to the whole picture of life and for that you’ll value it much more when you finally find it.
  7. You learn true self-love in its absence. Learning self-love is tough because we’re all pretty hard on ourselves, but by being without the love of a guy, you’ve learned to accept yourself without being defined by someone else, and because of it, the love you have to give has only grown greater. After all, loving yourself is the first step to loving someone else.
  8. You won’t give up on the search. You see the bigger picture, and giving up on the hope of finding love won’t ever be an option. Love isn’t the destination or an event, it’s the journey. The one you’ve taken solo has been a beautiful and sometimes terrifying fight, but it’ll be worth it.