Whether he has multiple children or just one and they were born yesterday or 20 years ago, I have zero interest in dealing with a man who has children. For most, this doesn’t seem like an unrealistic standard, but whenever I mention it, I get major side eye. Just because I have a child doesn’t mean I have to be with someone who does too.
They’ll always have a connection with his kids’ mom.
Let’s be real, for every homeboy, family member, or girlfriend my daughter’s father has told he wants nothing to do with me, he’s tried to have something to do with me five times that. A casual shoulder rub here or there during drop off or an overly dramatic “How are you?” can easily lead to an invitation inside to play house for a while. I even personally let it happen one too many times before I had to put my foot down on the confusing unhealthy behavior.
I just can’t cope with angry baby mamas.
The truth always comes out and I don’t want to be on the receiving end of any craziness when the woman he told me he was through with is somehow now texting me asking me who I am. I thought he was spending time with his child, not who he made him or her with!
I don’t want any more kids.
I’m pretty sure I’m never having another child, even if I ever do end up in a happy, well-rounded relationship. I love my kid, but she’s difficult at times and I just can’t imagine having to deal with someone else’s! Plus, my kid takes up enough of my attention. I don’t need someone taking up his like that too! Just being real.
I’d end up parent-shaming someone.
I would either be judging that he never was with his children enough and try to encourage it or feel like he had them too much and not be able to understand how a woman could go without her child for so long. Either way, it’s none of my business and I could be using my time on so many more productive things.
Being a dad doesn’t make him my child’s father.
It would be awful if a man thought that him being a father in general granted him the right to parent my child. I run the ship here, and no new men are needed to replace the father she already has.
He’s probably paying child support.
It’s great if a man is taking care of his child financially the way he should, but that might be leaving him strapped for cash. If he doesn’t have the extra funds to take me out and do nice things for me during the courting process, I’d rather just be alone.
He always has an excuse.
It could be in the middle of the night, right before a planned meet, or not calling or texting back, but he’ll expect a pass if it’s in relation to his child. It’s also the perfect strategy to make you feel stupid or dramatic if you don’t buy the excuse.
I’d be leaving more than just him if it went wrong.
A breakup is not so simple when children are involved. It would be pretty disheartening to be semi-attached to someone else’s child and then one day never see them again. Separations happen, all the time and often. If the kid isn’t yours, you aren’t entitled to visits and things that biological parents have set up. That’s not just hard for me, but also for the kid.
You end up comparing kids.
There’s too much potential for comparing our kids that could become ugly. Developmental and growth differences could be insulting if critiqued the wrong way, and then behavioral issue even worse. Everyone has a different style of parenting and teaching, and the last thing I need to be around is a kid that never stops screaming.
There’s an automatic assumption of inclusion.
Men with kids often times feel like them having a kid too is an automatic pass for a group play date or trip to Disneyland together. Whether he has a child or not, I have little interest in him being around my daughter for quite some time. Then there’s the simple fact that I don’t understand why he’s so open to letting someone around his kids so soon… I’m just not feeling it.
Men with kids are just as great as any other guy, I just personally don’t find them, or their children, to be in alignment with what I want out of life right now!
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