I’ve Been Single For So Long, My Lady Bits Are Growing Cobwebs

I’ve been single for about a year now and I feel like I’ve fully crossed over into being The Single Girl. A relationship isn’t even on my radar anymore and I’m starting to think that’s a bad thing…

  1. People are starting to get worried about me. When I first became single, it was cute. My friends took me out and set me up with a few guys and I had a lot of fun. Now, I’m starting to spiral downward to the point that being single is becoming my identity and it’s actually pretty alarming. I can tell my friends are sincerely worried about my future. Admittedly, it’s hard to care at this point.
  2. I’ve gotten into a routine where I only need to care about myself. It was great to only have to care about myself at first, but personally, I think all women have this natural desire to care for others. We have this maternal instinct that needs to be exercised, otherwise, we start to feel useless. I would love it if I had a partner to take care of and who could take care of me. It’s just been so long since I’ve had that feeling of mutual love that I’m starting to give up hope.
  3. I haven’t been out to brunch in ages. Brunch was a regular thing when I was in a relationship, but I haven’t seen the light of sunny side up eggs in almost a year. I used to walk past brunch places and get excited about trying them out with my guy, but now that I’ve been single for so long, I just roll my eyes and think about what a waste of money it is.
  4. I don’t know what to do when a guy is interested in me. I’m all insecure about myself because I’ve been single for so long, so when a guy shows interest in me, I almost get defensive. I don’t know exactly where it’s coming from, but it’s almost like I’m assuming the worst of them, which makes them retract and think they did something wrong when it’s really just me getting annoyed at my situation.
  5. I’m all stressed from lack of consistent sex. Sex does wonders for our well-being. All the times I’ve been in a long-term relationship is when I felt the happiest and healthiest. It’s a huge stress-buster and when I’m not getting it on a consistent basis, I get super moody. I mean, I guess I could just do it myself, but there’s an element of connection that would be missing, which is key to the stress relieving part.
  6. I can’t even imagine sharing a bed again. I’ve forgotten what it’s like to sleep with someone and have become incredibly comfortable with spreading out in my own bed. I think about having someone next to me and wonder how do people do it. I can’t even fathom doing it out of love.
  7. I have no backup plan when my friends are busy. If my friends are busy, I’m staying home alone. I can’t just latch onto my boyfriend’s plans like I would if I were in a relationship. It’s a lonely life and the sad part is that I’ve actually gotten used to it.
  8. I just assume I’m going to events by myself. At this point, I don’t even bother trying to find a date to go with me to events, I’ve fully embraced the single girl persona and go to them alone. I guess that’s what happens when you’ve been single for so long—you end up being OK with being the only person in the room without a date.
  9. I’ve turned bitter about love. I used to think that love was this beautiful thing that happened when you least expected it. I had the highest hopes for myself to stumble upon this elusive love thing, but after being single for so long, I’m starting to look at it from a more practical, less-idealistic standpoint which I’ve never done before. I’ve become a bitter single girl and I’m not proud of it.
  10. I share all my secrets with my mom now. All the stuff I used to tell my boyfriend, I’m now telling my mom which might be kinda childish, but she’s the only one who’s willing to listen to me when I’m upset or stressed. I don’t really have anyone else in my life to be that shoulder to cry on.
  11. When I see other couples on the street, I roll my eyes. I used to think that couples were cute, now I just think that they’re making a horrible mistake by being together. I assume they’re wasting their lives or aren’t really in love. I don’t MEAN to think this way, I just do and I really don’t like it.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.