Why A Slow Breakup Is So Much Worse Than A Quick One

Why A Slow Breakup Is So Much Worse Than A Quick One ©iStock/Skynesher

We’re not always totally in control of how a breakup goes down, but when possible, ripping off the band aid quickly is usually a better option than dragging it out. Here’s why a slow breakup is so much worse than a fast one:

  1. You’ll constantly be second guessing. The slower a breakup moves, the more time there is to wonder if you’re really doing the right thing, even though you’ve already made up your mind a million times over and know there’s no way the relationship can continue.
  2. You’re stuck in a non-healing phase. When a breakup happens suddenly, it can be shocking and incredibly painful, but it’s also resolute, and if you hit rock bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up. With a fast breakup, you can start to process things immediately. It’s annoying, but it really jump starts the good old healing process.
  3. The slow fade out is a little cowardly. Most of us like to avoid conflict when possible, but constantly backtracking or staying silent in an effort to spare someone’s feelings doesn’t actually work. It’s more like a way to get out of being the bad guy. Sometimes you have to take responsibility for hurting people if it’s what’s best for the situation.
  4. There’s more room for drama. When a breakup is going on for too long, there might even be other people coming into the picture already, which of course is only going to make things more complicated. When it ends swiftly, you’ll never have to wonder at what point he actually started hanging out with that new girl he’s suddenly dating.
  5. There’s so much more talking. OK, OK, talking is good… but sometimes we should quit while we’re ahead just leave things where they are instead of having the same conversation 20 times. Once you hit the point of no return in a relationship, does it really matter who’s at fault for something that happened three years ago?
  6. You have too many desperate moments. In a slow breakup, there will be moments where you think it might be better just to stay together, which can elicit some desperate and sometimes pitiful courses of action. You were never clingy before, but now you’re having meltdowns when he doesn’t respond to your texts fast enough.
  7. Everyone will be asking you about it. When you’re in the middle of a long breakup, your friends and your mom are going to be looking for updates all the time. Sometimes you have them and sometimes you just don’t, and you’re exhausted of talking about it anyway.
  8. You keep having sex. Sex during a breakup is… complicated. What’s more confusing than wanting to get rid of someone, but at the same time appreciate having them in your bed? Very tricky. The slower a breakup, the more opportunity there is for you to sleep together and confuse yourselves all over again.
  9. You’re in relationship status limbo. During a breakup, you’re technically still together, but you’re also soon to be single. If you get asked out during an extended breakup, it’s not even clear how you should explain your status. Saying that you’re in the middle of a breakup doesn’t exactly sound like the most available thing, even if you want to be.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog ThatsRandomKate.blogspot.com