“Slow Dating” May Be The Answer To Your Dating Frustrations

You know it’s good to avoid rushing things when you’re seeing someone new, but “slow dating” is so much more than playing hard to get. It’s actually one of the few great dating trends! Here’s what you need to know about it and why you should give it a shot.

1. It’s good to slow down the dating apps. You know how dating apps give you loads of potential matches and you can swipe on guys until your finger hurts? Well, now there’s a dating app called Once (nope, not an ad—I just love the concept) that only sends you one match every day. It might seem really, well, slow, but it’s awesome.
2. You get to think more clearly. We don’t seem to think much about the people we choose (or reject). Everything’s about immediate gratification, but we need to take some time to figure things out. It’s only when you step away from someone that you can really work out your feelings, so getting one match every day gives you a chance to think about the person instead of making quick judgments on them.
3. You need less, not more. Instead of thinking you need to make more dating app matches and get more dates, the opposite is better. When you have fewer choices, you can concentrate on making meaningful connections. You see people as real people, not just numbers.
4. You take your time to get to know someone. When you’ve chosen someone to date, you should continue taking your time with them. It takes a long time to get to know someone and you never know who you’re writing off because you’re too busy trying to get dates instead of concentrating on the quality of the ones you already have.
5. You see the value in fixing things. When you’re dating someone and your relationship hits a rough patch, do you work on getting past it or do you jump ship because you have loads of other people you could date instead? Although it’s never healthy to stay with a toxic partner, if your relationship has otherwise been good and the person is your cup of tea, take time to make things work instead of just replacing the person. Too many people are quick to replace their partners instead of seeing the beauty and value in working on the relationships they already have.
6. It’s about finding the magic in dating again. There’s nothing magical about matching with 1,000 people and cramming in dates with all of them. Too many options and too much energy. But sticking to one person and seeing what could happen helps you to throw caution to the wind and get surprised by life again. There’s something magical about slowing down and enjoying the experience for a change.
7. It prevents burnout. If you’ve ever experienced dating burnout, you’ll know how much it can suck. You feel jaded, exhausted, and like you never want to go on another date again. Blindly jumping from one bad date to another or using too many different dating apps simultaneously can make you tired. By reducing how many people you date and being a slow dater, you can prevent that from happening while having fun.
8. You don’t neglect your life. Rushing into something new with a partner can feel thrilling, but it can also wreck your current life if you allow it to. You might start pushing your hobbies, dreams, and wants aside in order to make the relationship the most important part of your life. That’s a recipe for disaster. By gently stepping into something new instead of running into it, you remember the other things in your life that matter.
9. You rule time instead of letting it rule you. Really, why rush into a new relationship? It’s as though we’re afraid it will disappear if we don’t lock the person down. Or, we might rush into dating again because we fear we’ll lose out on opportunities or because we worry that time’s running out. Choosing things from a position of fear is never healthy and it just makes us anxious about dating. Worst case scenario? It can cause us to settle for less-than-amazing relationships.
10. You put yourself first. Slow dating helps you to ease into something new and learn about yourself as you go along. When you’re not obsessed with getting into a new relationship, you’re more likely to spot red flags for why you should avoid it. When you’re not pushing your relationship standards aside so that you can get into a relationship, you don’t end up in something that doesn’t do you justice.
11. You enjoy the milestones. If you’re rushing into a relationship and then jumping over all the milestones, like the first kiss, the first time you tell each other you love each other, the first time you have sex, you’re not really savoring all those special moments. It’s like you’re devouring a slice of Belgian chocolate truffle cake without really tasting it. This sucks the joy right out of the experience. You’ll end up having gone through all the relationship milestones but not having much to show for it. What’s the point?