I Can Smell A Toxic Guy From A Mile Away, But I’m Still Getting Nowhere With Dating

I’ve had a lot of experience dealing with guys who are full of it, and I think that I have a pretty good BS meter now. It’s taken a lot of mistakes to get here! Even though I don’t mess with losers anymore, I can’t seem to find a guy who measures up to what I’m looking for.

  1. I don’t even bother with most men. I honestly can’t waste the time. Most of them aren’t worth it, and I can usually tell that pretty quickly. Now that I’m older and wiser, I don’t spend energy on guys who jerk me around. The problem is that because I don’t, I can’t seem to find anyone at all. That wasn’t what I expected from life and frankly, it’s very disappointing.
  2. Guys only seem to want one thing and it’s pretty obvious. If a guy isn’t in a relationship by my age, there’s one predominant reason: he doesn’t want to be. Either he won’t commit in the first place, he’s a cheater, or he isn’t into the whole marriage and family thing. I’m fine with the latter—I don’t really want to be married or have kids—but I still want a monogamous relationship. Not all guys are like this, but it’s tough to find one who isn’t in it for the sex.
  3. Unfortunately, some guys are better at pretending than others. I will say that I’ve been fooled. Despite my cynicism, there’s a soft heart in there that wants to believe in love and romance. I’ve had enough guys convince me that they really liked me and then give up trying after they got in my pants that I don’t trust men at all anymore. I hate feeling this way, but that’s what happened. I don’t believe any of them.
  4. I try to date nice guys but they come with their own problems. Yeah, it’s true—I don’t give players a minute of my time. I genuinely like nice boys. This doesn’t mean that I luck out in love, though, because nice guys are often too weak and passive for me. It’s difficult to find a guy who is a good, caring, considerate human who also has some balls. I’m not finding that balance anywhere.
  5. I feel like 90 percent of men nowadays are toxic and it sucks. Is it just me? Is it just because I live in a big city? I don’t get it. When I was younger I felt like I knew tons of really good dudes. Now I can name them off in just a few seconds and most of them are taken or we just aren’t attracted to each other or compatible. This makes finding the right guy especially difficult.
  6. Once I eliminate all the douches, there’s no one left. Seriously. Between the guys who are obvious jerks and the ones who cover it up and show their true colors later… that’s pretty much everyone. I swear I hardly believe anymore that there are guys out there who don’t have a secret player personality buried somewhere deep down inside. I don’t trust any of them.
  7. Everyone who’s cool seems to be taken. Now that I’m in my 30s, the pickings sure are slim. All the great guys got snapped up years ago and those girls aren’t letting go! I’m not quite old enough that people are getting divorced—I’m in the zone where everyone is either happily married or single AF. I obviously fall into the latter category. I don’t wish ill on anyone’s relationship, but it sucks.
  8. I try to wait patiently, but I’m not messing with lame guys. I’m naturally a pretty impatient person, and it sucks waiting around to find a good man. I won’t deal with the BS of the others, but then I end up all alone all the time. I get lonely, just like anyone else. I have needs. I want to get laid too, but I don’t want to do it with the wrong person. This means I’m just frustrated a lot.
  9. I know my worth and I won’t put up with BS. I didn’t do all this hard work and better myself just to waste it all on some man who doesn’t care or appreciate me. I want a guy who cares about growth and change and being the best person he can be. I’m not settling for anything less than I deserve. Unfortunately, thus far, that means I’m very single most of the time.
  10. Men always say they’re intimidated by me and it drives me nuts. I literally had a guy tell me I’m scary because I don’t put up with any crap. Seriously? Give me a break. I have an easy solution for that—don’t give me any! I consider my high standards to be a good quality but apparently, men feel like they can’t live up to what I want. I don’t think they understand me at all because I never ask for perfection—not in the least.
  11. I hardly ever go on dates because I usually figure out fast that a guy’s not worth my time. It’s good to talk a little beforehand—it keeps me from wasting time on useless dates with gross people. Since I’m so good at spotting losers and toxic dudes, I usually dismiss them before they even have a chance to ask me out. If they make it past that initial screening, most of them show their BS soon enough. If I even ever make it to a date, most of the time we have no chemistry anyway. It’s the worst.
  12. I’d rather be alone than in a bad relationship… so I’m alone. I’ve done enough lingering in relationships I should’ve ended. I don’t want to get stuck with the wrong guys anymore. I understand what I need more fully now, so I’m particular. I don’t want to catch feelings for a guy I shouldn’t because that makes it so much harder to untangle myself from the mess of it. Life alone is simple, free, and happy—so I’m alone.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.