If You Have To Snoop Through His Stuff, Then You Shouldn’t Be Together

Because so much of our life is stored on our phones and computers, it’s tempting to go through your partner’s devices when you suspect that he’s hiding something from you. You know it’s wrong, but you also feel like you need proof that his flirty “friend” isn’t just a friend, and incriminating messages are often the only way to confirm what your gut is trying to tell you. Before you look through his stuff, though, this is why you should ask yourself if this relationship is really worth continuing:

  1. You clearly can’t trust him. Your gut is telling you that something is off. Maybe you have trust issues, but you won’t solve them by acting on your desire to look through his messages. You want to snoop because you think there’s something to find, but before you do, ask yourself if you’re really in a healthy relationship if you have to look through his stuff in the first place.
  2. Now he can’t trust you. Depending on what you found, you may not be just as bad as he is, but you definitely have to trade in your good girlfriend status. He didn’t give you permission to go through his things. You committed a crime of opportunity, and you can’t take it back. You may not have been able to trust him, but you’re now less trustworthy than you were before, too.
  3. He deserves some sense of privacy. Just because you’re his girlfriend doesn’t mean you can do whatever you want. There are aspects of your life that have nothing to do with him, and he’s entitled to the same. You’re his girlfriend, not his warden. You don’t get to control his entire life.
  4. What’s your motivation here? What do you think (if anything) that you’re going to find? And why is your boyfriend making you feel like he has something to hide? Maybe you’re just paranoid, but more often than not, you should trust your gut. Rather than snooping, just let him go. If he’s hiding something, then he can have his secrets, but he can’t have you.
  5. You deserve to be with a man who doesn’t constantly make you worry. A good boyfriend is supposed to relieve stress, not be the cause of it. Don’t you want to be with a guy that you can trust? With the right guy, you won’t even have the motivation to snoop because you’ll know without a doubt that he loves you. If you’re snooping, then you’re not confident in him or his love, and no woman deserves that.
  6. What happens if you do find something? Will you actually take the action to break up with him? The problem with snooping is that even if you do find something, it’s still hard to convince yourself to break things off. Think about the outcome, and if you’re not prepared to go through with the consequences, then you’re better off just not knowing.
  7. You’ll have to reveal the truth to him. Even if you find something shady, you did something shady to get it. That information didn’t just fall into your lap; you went looking for it. When you confront him, he’s likely to get angry with you, and you’ll have to find a way to defend your actions.
  8. There’s obviously a communication problem. Instead of talking to your boyfriend about your worries, you decide to go behind his back and snoop through his things. Why couldn’t you just talk to him? Regardless of whether or not you find anything, a relationship that lacks communication is one that’s doomed to fail.
  9. Your jealousy is controlling you. You’re snooping because you think he’s stepping out on you. Do you have any proof, though? Just because he talks to another girl doesn’t mean he’s sleeping with her. He’s allowed to have other friends. Ask yourself if he’s really doing something wrong or if you’re really the one with the problem.
  10. If you don’t have trust, you don’t have anything. Trust is the foundation of any good relationship. Do you really want to spend every night wondering where he is, what he’s doing, and who he’s talking to? Snooping isn’t going to make anything better. If you can’t trust him enough to stay out of his business, you’re better off bowing out of the relationship now.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.