I’ve Had So Many Terrible Dating Experiences That I’m Almost Convinced Love Doesn’t Exist

I’ve been single for almost two years now and haven’t even come close to finding anything that resembles true love. Is it me or is love a made up concept that only exists in the movies? I’m seriously beginning to wonder…

I’ve been in plenty of relationships but I don’t think I’ve ever been in love. I’ve spent time with guys and I’ve even claimed to be in love with some of them, but when I really think about it, I don’t believe that was truly the case. It was more like an intense infatuation than anything else. The fact that the majority of my relationships only last a few months is probably proof that I couldn’t have possibly experienced the kind of love I imagined I had at the time.

When I do find someone, the “love” only lasts for a little while. Those over the top, passionate “love” feelings only last so long before they fade entirely. What’s up with that? Either I just haven’t come across the right person yet or love is a myth we’ve all believed for far too long. I’m just cynical enough that I’m starting to believe it’s the latter.

It’s been two years since I’ve even been close to a relationship. I’m one of those perpetually single women who’d rather be on my own than get into the messiness that is a relationship, so maybe the fact that I haven’t found love yet is partly my fault. Still, how is it possible that I’ve dated ALL of these guys and none of them seem to stick? I thought love is supposed to happen when you least expect it? That’s what people tell me, anyway…

Maybe it only exists in fairy tales? I’ve come to the sad realization that the kind of love I’m chasing is only true in fairy tales. Real love is apparently hard work to maintain and slowly eats away at your soul. That’s what most married couples tell me, at least. Doesn’t sound very romantic, does it?

It’s hard to keep believing in love when all of my experiences tell me I shouldn’t. I like the idea of being a hardcore romantic who’s always on the search for love, but when you’ve been searching for as long as I have and haven’t had any success, you begin to lose hope. I’ve reached a point where I’ve accepted that love is either just not for me or it’s a total sham.

Love is technically just a chemical reaction. What people call love is actually just a bunch of neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin (you know, the stuff in Prozac) getting fired off. They do their dance for a while in your brain, but then they start to get dull and bored with the cheap thrills and that’s when “love” dies. We THINK that it’s this real, magical, spiritual thing when it’s really just a science experiment in your brain. Ugh.

I haven’t been inspired to love someone in a really long time. Every once in a while, a guy will appear who really tickles my fancy and who I feel a real, strong connection with. Well, that hasn’t happened in a dog’s age. Maybe I’m not putting myself out their enough or maybe this love thing doesn’t work the way I think it does…

I can only remember getting close to loving someone once in my life. The only time that I have been in love with someone was actually a really stressful time. I was in my early twenties and met this guy who totally changed things for me. He made me believe in love, but then it fizzled out almost immediately despite the amazing chemistry we shared. I obsessed about it for weeks and even months later. It was like I was grieving the loss of love that could have been. Not sure why it didn’t turn into something, but it definitely made me less enthusiastic about falling in love from there on out.

Even then, I’m pretty sure it was just intense lust. Could it be that my love feelings for that guy I met in my early twenties were actually just lust? I felt SO drawn to him in a way I’ve never felt before in a more obsessive way, like I needed him to breatheThat’s totally unhealthy and I definitely don’t think that was love. Sex hormones can do weird things to your brain and if you’re turned on enough by someone, you can get a little cuckoo for them.

Love seems so fleeting, so why put all this importance on it? I’ve learned throughout my dating journey that love is so temporary. It can slip right through your fingers if you aren’t careful, so it’s kind of silly to put so much importance on it. It’s impossible to depend on love because love is an emotion that has a life of its own, just like anger, sadness, and jealousy. We can’t control it, so that’s why I’ve given up on it.

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