So What If He’s Not “The One”? You Can Still Enjoy Your Relationship With Him

People tend to think that great relationships have to end in marriage, but this isn’t always the case. You might not picture walking down the aisle with your boyfriend, but that doesn’t necessarily mean a breakup is on the cards in the near future.

  1. He might be Mr. Right Now, and that’s okay. You get along great, you enjoy each other’s company and the sex is fantastic. So what if he’s not Mr. Right but instead Mr. Right Now? The latter sometimes gets too much of a bad rap. He could be exactly what you need for where you are at this point in your life.
  2. There are more important things than marriage. You might think that if your relationship heads down the aisle then you’re going to be happy forever, but so many marriages end up in divorce. You can have a thriving, fantastic relationship without the thought of marriage ever coming into play. As long as your relationship is in a great place, who cares if it won’t end up in marriage? Why put pressure on yourself and your relationship by thinking that it has to?
  3. It’s great, as long as you’re not in a toxic relationship. You’re only wasting your time with the guy if he’s toxic AF, like if he’s controlling, dumping his drama on your desk and so on. But if you feel good about the relationship and your partner, why shouldn’t you enjoy what you have?
  4. It’s good to chill and live in the moment. People sometimes get too caught up in relationship milestones, as though their relationship has to go through an obstacle course in order to be valuable and real. That’s BS. Sometimes it’s great to sit back, chill and just enjoy the relationship you’ve got going instead of planning ahead all the time.
  5. The future is unwritten. Even if you wanted to marry this guy, what guarantee is there that you would end up hitched? Life can be so surprising sometimes, which is just further proof to enjoy the present as much as possible instead of stressing about the unknown future.
  6. No good relationship is a waste of time. If you don’t date this guy, you might look back and regret it some day. Every healthy relationship that brings you joy is worth experiencing. There’s no such thing as wasting your time because you’re going to learn more about yourself and what you want, and you’re guaranteed to grow.
  7. Relationships don’t have to be achievements. There’s lots of pressure to make the relationship “be” something. If it’s casual, there’s pressure to make it serious; when it’s serious, there’s pressure to move in together or get married. Enough! Relationships are not achievements, and they’re not reflections of how successful you are.
  8. You deserve a guy who makes you happy. This guy makes you happy, so why shouldn’t you be with him? Even if you know there’s an expiry date on the relationship, you should relish the chance to be in a relationship in which both parties are happy. It might end up being the best relationship of your life.
  9. Maybe you need time. You might need time to figure out exactly what kind of guy you want to end up with, and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you need to pull yourself off the dating market. You met this guy for a reason, and he’s worth being with if you really like or love him.
  10. You might change your mind. Hey, who knows? After dating this guy for a while, you might realize he’s exactly what you wanted after all. But if not, it doesn’t mean you should ever settle. When the relationship feels like it’s run its course and it’s no longer making you happy, you should GTFO.
  11. It doesn’t mean there are relationship red flags. Tell your friends that you don’t actually want to marry this guy and they’ll probably be quick to think that there’s something seriously wrong in your relationship. But just because you don’t see him as your Forever Man, it doesn’t mean that you have shady issues going on, such as betrayal and trust problems. Sometimes the best people just aren’t meant to end up together.
  12. You shouldn’t lead him on. As long as you’re not leading the guy on, it’s cool to date him and even love him. If he decides he wants things to become more serious, like by moving in together, and you don’t, that’s when your relationship hits a serious crossroad. Might as well enjoy the ride until then.
  13. Maybe your issues are with marriage, not the guy. It could be that you just don’t want to get married because you don’t believe in it. Perhaps you think weddings are a huge waste of money or you don’t need a marriage certificate to be happy and committed to someone. Perhaps these are the real issues at play and they have nothing to do with the guy you’re seeing. That’s worth exploring.
  14. It doesn’t mean you don’t feel for him. People might assume that if you’re with him but don’t see him as husband material, you don’t feel anything for him, but that’s not necessarily true. He could be an amazing guy you love deeply, but you just don’t want to marry him some day. It doesn’t mean that you have to marry every guy you love, after all. And honestly, who cares what anyone else thinks?
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.