Social Media Made My Terrible Breakup Even Worse

Breaking up with an ex used to mean actually saying goodbye for good — you cut all ties so that you were able to get over the relationship in a mature and healthy way, but not anymore! Ending a relationship is harder than ever now because even if you don’t physically see your ex, he’s still around in cyberspace. In fact, social media made my already terrible breakup even worse.

I wanted to be the mature one. 

Breakups are rarely mutual —  one person is usually always left more hurt than the other. In this case, it was me — but I didn’t want my ex to know that. I wanted him to see that I didn’t have to delete him off social media to get over the relationship. If he was fine being friends on Facebook then so was I (except for the simple fact that I wasn’t)! I wanted to erase all traces of him, but I didn’t want to seem like the psycho ex with a flair for the dramatic. My ex had already dumped me — I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of thinking he had broke me too.

The pictures were everywhere.

Of course I wanted to delete every picture I had of my ex, but there were way too many! You’d think we’d been dating for years instead of only a few months (thank you, Instagram, for making everyone feel like a professional photographer). I tried going through and deleting the pictures, but that only made me think about our relationship more. I didn’t want to think about that jerk at all, so I kept the pictures, only to find myself “accidentally” looking at them from time to time. The situation was a lose-lose either way.

Stalking was too easy.

I was way too in the know when it came to my ex’s whereabouts. Even if he didn’t post anything, I’d look at his brother’s page, sister, co-worker, and friends — literally ANYONE he associated with. I felt like a detective! Ten minutes on social media and I’d know what he had for breakfast, his weekend plans, and what time he was leaving work — it was actually really impressive. Obviously, I wasn’t getting over him! If anything, I was getting more and more obsessed.

My friends weren’t single.

All my friends were happy in their relationships — it felt like they were throwing it in my face! Everything they posted on social media dealt with their significant other, and it was so annoying! I know I should’ve been happy for them, but how could I? There I was alone, binge watching Bloodline, and they were posted up on a beach somewhere drinking margaritas. Social media made me feel like the loneliest person on the planet… but I couldn’t log off!

Everything made me jealous.

What you see on social media isn’t always accurate — a lot of it is up to interpretation. For example, I interpreted everything my ex did as a sign that he was over me. If he liked a girl’s picture, posted a group selfie or was tagged at a birthday dinner — I’d basically fall into a deep depression. I mean, how could he be having fun when I’m not there? My emotions were running high and I couldn’t stop jumping to conclusions — I was trapped in the false reality of social media and it was killing me.

I kept thinking I was okay.

Sometimes I felt like I was genuinely over my ex — I could look at his Facebook page, and feel nothing but contempt. And then, out of nowhere, he’d send me a picture of him with a girl. WTF? One little photo and I’m screaming, throwing my phone across my bedroom. He must’ve had some weird intuition that I was getting over him so he had to stop that from happening. Why else would he send me a picture like that, right? Being “friends” just gave my ex the excuse he needed to mess with me!

I wanted to impress him. 

Whatever I did, I put on social media. My breakfast, commute to work, conversations with my parents — I recorded everything and immediately posted it. I wanted to show my ex that I was doing fine without him. Even though I was doing more, my time was mostly spent making sure he noticed. Let’s be real — if the guy you’re trying to impress doesn’t see your story, does the story even matter? It didn’t to me and that was the sickest part — my life was still revolving around my used to be boyfriend even though we’d broken up.

I wasn’t getting over him.

Not deleting my ex on every social network was a big mistake — I know that now. It’s like we were playing a game with one another. He would post a picture with a group of girls, so naturally I’d post a picture with a group of guys. It was exhausting! It took way longer than it should’ve to get over him because even though we weren’t physically seeing each other, my mind was still fixated on our relationship.

I was stuck watching the fun.

I was friends with my ex on social media, but we weren’t friends in real life. Most of our “mutual friends” chose him after the breakup, which meant I was usually stuck at home replaying the fun they were having via Snapchat. My ex was going out, partying and probably sleeping with his roommate, who he swore was “just a friend” while I just watched from the comfort of my couch. It sucked — and the worst part was, I couldn’t help myself from looking.

Social media couldn’t heal me.

Social media sucks! One minute you’re looking at your friend’s page, and the next you’re six months deep into a conversation your ex had with his old roommate — it’s just too easy to creep! I thought being friends with my ex would make it easier to get over him. I mean, it’s hard to just cut someone off cold turkey, especially someone you really like. I thought I could ease into my breakup, but now I see that’s basically impossible — I should’ve just ripped off the band-aid.

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