While society still likes to make women feel like our lives have no meaning without romantic relationships, we know the truth. More and more of us are choosing to stay single long-term because we know it’s the real secret to happiness. Being on our own isn’t just a sad circumstance, it’s a conscious choice. That’s what solo polyamory is all about and why it’s so damn fulfilling. Never heard of it? Read on and we’ll enlighten you.
What is solo polyamory?
Solo polyamory, or solo poly, is a form of non-monogamy in which your relationship with yourself comes first. Unlike in polyamory where you might maintain several romantic relationships of equal importance simultaneously, the solo version is a little more committed in that you are your main partner.
If you practice solo polyamory, you’re faithful to yourself above everyone else. That’s not to say that you don’t date around or sleep with people. However, any other relationships you have on the side are icing on the cake. You’re the partner you’ve been waiting for all along. Isn’t that amazing?
Why is this lifestyle so great?
You get what you want from outside relationships and nothing more. While you’re your number one boo, people who practice solo polyamory do indeed date, sleep with, and have relationships with other people. However, there are far fewer expectations placed on those connections since you’re already giving yourself everything that you need.
Your life is your own. “Standard” relationships usually see couples aiming to achieve certain milestones over time. Moving in together, getting engaged, combining finances, etc. are fine for those who want it, but they’re not requirements of the solo poly lifestyle. You do what you want, when you want, with no pressure from the outside.
You can love many people in many different ways. Much like in polyamory, solo poly people can love multiple individuals at once. However, the difference is that the latter prefers to eschew traditional relationship hierarchies and setups in favor of putting themselves first and maintaining their autonomy. It’s actually pretty refreshing.Is it right for you?
Is it right for you?
Solo polyamory sounds great in theory, but it’s definitely not for everyone. While everyone can (and should) adopt certain elements of this lifestyle, such as prioritizing your relationship with yourself, actually enacting solo polyamory requires a different set of goals and values.
“If you really prioritize alone time, if you don’t see yourself merging finances or moving in with a partner, and if you’re not interested in the institution of marriage, then maybe solo polyamory will be a good relational framework,” Gabrielle Alexa Noel, director of marketing and lead portal developer at #open tells Cosmopolitan. “Even if you are open to those things but want the freedom to configure your relationships in ways that don’t assume they will happen, solo polyamory could be for you.”
It’s worth noting that this is not an excuse to deceive the people you’re dating about your intentions or be careless with the emotions of others. It still requires plenty of communication, care, and consideration.