Sologamy Just Might Be The Answer For Frustrated Single Women Everywhere

Candles are lit. There’s a giant vanilla cake, professionally made. A dozen friends are surrounding a bride who’s dressed beautifully. She’s in the middle wearing a gorgeous gown. One friend is leading the vows, which the bride says with tears in her eyes. Everyone claps and she give herself a hug. This is about what a sologamous wedding looks like. It’s getting married to yourself—making all sorts of commitments to love and cherish the wonderful self. It’s a trend spreading to people who want to declare their promises to themselves.

  1. The whole experience is a dedication to growing as a person. While marrying one’s self may sound wildly narcissistic to some, according to Self Marriage Ceremonies, the point is “choosing the livelihood and lifestyle that will help you grow and blossom into the most alive, beautiful, and deeply happy person you can be.” It’s all about growth—and what’s wrong with that
  2. Sologamy is a promise to self-love. In a world where it’s easy to look for love in all the wrong places, this process is about turning attention inward. It’s a declaration of self-love and a promise not to abandon one’s self under any circumstances. It’s much like one would say to a partner they’re choosing to spend their lives with.
  3. It’s a commitment to self-care. The phrase “self-care” is something that’s thrown around a lot, but someone who’s choosing sologamy takes it very seriously. This is the active pledge of taking care of one’s self—showing up every day to meet one’s needs, no matter what. It’s the equivalent of “through sickness and health” that we see in traditional marriages.
  4. Self-marriage is a wish to know one’s self deeper. Deep emotional digging and self-reflection are difficult. Not everyone wants to do them. In fact, many spend their whole lives avoiding introspection. On the other hand, those who choose to marry themselves are telling their minds that they’re willing to take a good look. They’re there to show up and do the hard work.
  5. It’s a promise to connect to one’s mind, body, and spirit. Self-love and care are about more than just showering and having good sleep hygiene. They’re also about taking care of their mind by setting boundaries, choosing to surround themselves with good people, and processing emotions in a healthy way. The connection is also about spiritual life—what one chooses to accept and reject. Sologamy is about care on all levels.
  6. Self-acceptance is an important part. Just as you would in a traditional marriage, self-marriage is about accepting all of those imperfect parts of yourself. It’s about saying “I’ll love you, no matter what.” Though you can never do this perfectly, it’s important to be willing to try to inch towards acceptance.
  7. It’s a spiritual experience. Sologamy is about acknowledging one’s fundamental goodness. It’s about peering deep down into the soul and saying “I’m worthy of love and care.” This is a deeply spiritual experience because the person is blotting out everything except their basic goodness, leaving them to transcend the garbage that’s spewed at them in the world and in their own mind.
  8. Heartbreak may lead someone to sologamy, but the focus is on healing. Some may think that a person would get solo-married on the heels of a bad breakup. Perhaps this is true in some cases, but mostly self-marriage is a focus on healing the self. It isn’t a focus on anger towards someone else. Heartbreak could be the catalyst, but the end goal is between the self and… the self.
  9. There’s a ceremony.All individual weddings look different. Some people choose to have a few people for a casual night and some go all out with a full wedding. Others make sologamy a daily practice. One thing that all have in common, though, is that there’s some sort of ceremony.
  10. Vows are taken. Marrying one’s self is full of dedications, so of course, there are vows just as there would be at a traditional wedding. Vows are taken, stating much of what I’ve said so far: promises to self-care, love, growth, and acceptance.
  11. Self-marriage has no legal binding. While marrying another person has a bunch of legalities tied up in it, marrying one’s self has no legal binding. Taxes and marital status aren’t affected. Though I suppose it’s a personal choice whether you’d like to be called Ms. or Mrs.
  12. For some, it’s also to have an answer to the “why are you single?” question. Some people who’ve gotten solo-married share that one of the many reasons was to get family members off of their back. They found it to be a way to say “I’m not single—I’m actually married… to myself.”
  13. It’s not swearing off other love; you can still marry another person. One misconception about being self-married is that people think these sologamous people have sworn off love to others. This may definitely be the case with some, but on the whole, most are just trying to have a better relationship with themselves. They still intend on dating and having relationships with others. Also, they can still be married to another while being married to themselves.
  14. Sologamy isn’t the only way to express self-love, but it sure is one way. In sum, marrying oneself is one of many ways to show self-love. It’s certainly a radical act, but it’s a beautiful one. Just note that people don’t have to get self-married in order to declare love for themselves; it’s just a pretty cool way.
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at ginelletesta.com.
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