Sometimes I Feel Like I Have More Relationships In My Head Than In Real Life

I can spend hours just thinking about the perfect relationship but at this point, I’m pretty sure it’s keeping me from attracting one in real life.

  1. I guess there’s a reason I’ve been single for three years. I seem to be perfectly content in just laying on my bed, dreaming of the perfect boyfriend. I’ve easily imagined more relationships than actually being in them in real life and if I put together all the time I’ve spent thinking about love instead of actually putting myself out there to attract someone, I probably would have a boyfriend by now.
  2. I find it hard to take action. I’m the type of person who really likes to think things over and do a lot of research before acting on something and that includes dating. If I’m not sure about someone or I don’t think it’ll work out before even going on a date with them, I’ll opt to feed off of my imagined relationships instead. It’s just so fun to think about, and I don’t even have to leave my house! It still gives me the feeling of being in a relationship without actually dealing with the stress of being in one… well, more or less.
  3. It feels safer to imagine relationships rather than being in them. Relationships have always been scary to me and I don’t totally know why. I’m afraid of being “found out” or of the guy I’m dating realizing that I’m not the person he thought thought I was. So since I have so much fear and insecurity surrounding dating and relationships, you can see why I spend all this time thinking about them as opposed to experiencing them in real life. It just feels so scary on a very real level.
  4. The second I’m interested in someone, I imagine every detail of our would-be relationship. When I find out someone likes me, I go into full-blown imagination mode. I don’t go so far as to imagine our wedding (because that’s just silly), but I’ll picture the smaller moments and smile as if they were actually happening. But they’re not! This person could already be with someone else, I just get carried away, hoping that it will turn into some perfect relationship despite the fact that I have literally nothing to go off.
  5. I get distracted by what’s in my head and forget that I need to be looking for someone in real life. I have this natural ability to imagine things in great detail, so it’s really easy for me to feel pretty fulfilled in the love area just by the relationships I imagine in my head. I don’t have as strong of a need to go out and find someone to love me because I can just watch it on the screen of my mind whenever I want!
  6. I get obsessed with people really easily. It’s kinda embarrassing, but if you only knew just how obsessed I get with certain people, you’d surely be shocked. I can spend months or even years thinking about a guy, imagining what it would be like to be in a relationship with him while he has no idea I exist. Its weird, I know.
  7. I have a very active imagination in general. I’m a playwright, so it’s really easy for me to picture scenes, dialogue, and how certain things would naturally play out in real life. Obviously, I incorporate this skill when I imagine my love life. It’s crystal clear and realistic, almost like a movie or a play. I can script it exactly the way I want it to be. It’s like the ideal relationship and it can be very satisfying to think about.
  8. It’s borderline creeper behavior. I know it’s weird to be thinking about random people I like in such an intense, somewhat creepy way, but I can’t help myself. I know I go too far with it and if I didn’t indulge in my imagination so much, maybe I would have the motivation to go out and find a real relationship.
  9. I spend a lot of time alone. If I didn’t have so much time to explore my mind and think deeply about my life, maybe I wouldn’t obsess about relationships so much. Of course, I actually get excited when I can spend time alone because then I can get my wheels turning and dive into my mind. It’s like a form of entertainment, but too much of that can cause me to lose sight of reality.
  10. It causes me to have really high expectations in the real life relationships I have. Since I spend so much time thinking about the ideal relationship, I’m not prepared mentally for when a real one comes along. I end up not being ready to navigate the negative emotions that pop up because I feel like if it’s not perfect, there’s no point in even being together. It’s kind of a problem.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.