Sometimes I Worry That I’m Going To Live My Whole Life Without Having Fallen In Love

I grew up dreaming of Prince Charming, fairytale endings, and happily ever after. I truly believed that before I knew it, love would sweep me off my feet… but love never came. I hate to admit it, but I’ve never actually been in love, and I’m terrified I never will be.

  1. I’m starting to think maybe it’s too late for me. Maybe I’ve waited too long to get into the game. Not many men want to be with a newbie. No one’s going to want to take the risk of being my first love. I’m a woman who’s unbroken, so who’s going to want to take a stab at breaking my heart? I’m a virgin to the game of love and I don’t know if any man will want to pop that cherry at this point.
  2. Some women really do end up alone. I have to face the facts that not every woman gets her happily ever after. Some people never find love, never marry, and are destined to grow old alone. That’s just reality. I want to find love and I’m trying to be optimistic, but the fear of never finding it eats away at me because no matter what, that is a possibility.
  3. I don’t really know what love is. How could I if I’ve never been in love? How am I supposed to know something I’ve never felt? People say that if you love someone you just know, but I’ve never known. I don’t know what love is and I don’t know who to look for, what I want, or what I need. I’m totally clueless, and I’m worried that’s all I’ll ever be.
  4. I wouldn’t know how to even be a girlfriend. I’ve never been a part of a serious relationship, so how am I supposed to know how to act? Is there some handbook that a fairy godmother or the goddess of love hands out when I’m finally ready for something real? Right now, I wouldn’t know the first thing about being in love or what being a good girlfriend even means.
  5. I might be too independent for my own good. I’ve been alone for so long that I wouldn’t even know how to be a part of a couple or how to let someone into my life. The idea of having someone who depends on me is terrifying. I’ve been alone for a long time, and at this point, that would be pretty hard to change.
  6. Even if it doesn’t last, I just want to know what it’s like to be loved. Sure, I have friends and family, but that’s not the same as romantic love. I want to know that feeling so badly that I’m worried it makes me look desperate. I want to know what it’s like to be a man’s everything, even if it’s only for a little while.
  7. I’ve dated, but I’ve never had anything serious. I’ve might nice guys, bad boys, and everything in between, but I’ve never felt a true spark. I haven’t fallen head over heels — and trust me, I’ve given myself time. I like to take things slow and see where things go, but every “relationship” heads to the same place: nowhere.
  8. I’m starting to wonder if love even exists. I haven’t found it, so maybe it’s not really out there. The fact that the divorce rate is so damn high defends that theory. People think they’re in love, but it might all just be a fabrication of lust. Until I find proof to the contrary, I’ll never be sure that love is real.
  9. I don’t want to be alone forever. I’m not afraid to admit that. I’m a strong, independent single woman, but I do want to find love. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. I want someone I can live my life with, grow old with, and never want to part ways with. I don’t want to be alone for the rest of my life, but I’m terrified that fate says I will.
  10. I’m actually heartbroken about never having my heart broken. How sad is that? I want so badly to know what love feels like, even if that love ended in heartbreak. I really do believe that it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. I’m jealous of all the lovers out there. I want what they have because, in the end, I know that finding love (even if it’s going to end) would be worth the risk.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.