Sorry, But Believing In “The One” Is Destroying Your Love Life

From the time we’re young, we’re fed the fantasy that all of us have a Prince Charming, custom made to sweep us off our feet. When we grow up, however, we seem to struggle with finding him—here’s why.

Perfection doesn’t exist. No one’s perfect. Seriously. It might seem like they are sometimes when you look at those gorgeous Instagram models and contemplate your own mundane existence, but that’s not real life—it’s a carefully curated image meant to trick you. Who’s to say that they have your great personality or that they have absolutely no worries in their lives? Everyone has their flaws, including the guy you eventually end up with.

Your checklist is always changing. For those of us who have a checklist for our perfect guy, it’s never long enough. There are an infinite amount of things for us to keep track of, tiny details that even we ourselves don’t know are pet peeves until we meet someone who has them. Not only is ticking off every box on that list a chore, you’ll find yourself adding more to it with every unsuccessful date. The best bet is to throw that list out altogether.

There are so many “What Ifs.” When you meet a guy you like but who you know isn’t “The One,” you find yourself torn. Going on a second date would be going against your beliefs of holding out for the guy you’re meant to be with forever, but if you never call this dude back again, you’re stuck with wondering what could have been. Getting to know a guy better might help you discover traits about him that you didn’t know you liked, and you just might realize that “The One” is a bunch of BS.

Dating is discovering. Always trying to find that one perfect guy limits you from finding out what you love, tolerate, and absolutely hate. You might want a guy with great hair, but would you be able to stand a guy who spends more on his hair that you do? There are downsides to everything, and the more guys you date, the more you’ll get to experience and the greater the chances of actually meeting a guy you’re compatible with long-term.

Are you someone’s “One”? Is it really fair to expect someone to be perfect for you when you can’t offer the same in return? We know we all have flaws, perhaps even personality traits that other people don’t enjoy much. How would you feel if you had really good vibes with your date and they turned around and said, “Sorry, you’re just not the right height”? It sounds ridiculous because it is ridiculous.

What happens after you find him? Let’s say he’s a successful doctor who’s good with children, plays the guitar, and cooks like a dream. While you might be initially thrilled with finding him, you’ll start seeing him more like a god than a human being. Putting him on a pedestal won’t be good for your relationship in the long run. Instead, he’ll be making you doubt if you’re good enough, and that’s definitely unhealthy.

You’ll have a whole lot of first dates and not many more. Because believing in “The One” makes you set exceedingly high standards for every guy you date, it’s more than likely that you won’t end progressing past the first date on many occasions. With every disappointment that comes your way, you’ll slowly start anguishing over the fact that you might never find that perfect man. In fact, you might even date less because you fear it’s a lost cause. Not good.

You limit your dating pool. Isn’t it a lot more productive to see every date as a potential? If someone wants to set you up on a blind date but you decline because they described the guy as “a little quirky,” you might be missing out. There’s no harm in seizing every opportunity—you’ll see more people and maybe even find some hidden gems. And if things don’t work out, at least you’ll have funny stories to tell.

Forcing things is never a good thing. Constantly putting yourself out there to find “The One” is a very awkward process. Not only do your dates feel like they have to fulfill some weird checklist you have, those that are ‘perfect’ will feel your desperate vibes. It’s never a good look, and instead of coming off as someone who is confident and sexy, you’ll look like someone whose sole existence is based on finding the right guy.

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