Sorry — No Matter How Much I Love You, I’ll Never Love You Unconditionally

Sorry — No Matter How Much I Love You, I’ll Never Love You Unconditionally ©iStock/AleksandarNakic

When most people think of the definition true love, they think of being unconditionally devoted to someone come hell or high water. I don’t agree — I believe that love is and should always be conditional. After all, I might love a guy, but if I lower or get rid of my standards altogether, I won’t be loving myself, and that’s just not okay.

  1. Every woman has her limits. A guy can’t just do anything he wants to me and get away with it. His choices have consequences just like mine. I believe that a person’s choices define them, so if he does something that compromises me or our relationship, I won’t stand by his side for the sake of “love.” Just like he has the right to leave me over my actions, I’ll always have the same right — and responsibility to myself. No matter what, I’ll never allow myself to get stuck.
  2. I won’t stay with a man who cheats. I know some women have exceptions to this rule, but I don’t. If a man cheats on me, that says a lot — in fact, it says everything I need to know. Not only does he not love me, he obviously doesn’t care about me if he could betray me like that. I could never stay with someone that cruel and selfish, even if history is in his favor. That one act changes everything, so if a man cheats, I’m out.
  3. I know that people change. If someday he goes from the sweetest man in the world to a man who treats me like crap, I’m not going to stay. I’ve seen love fall apart before my very own eyes. I’ve been in a love that I thought would last a lifetime, and guess what? We’re not together now. People change and sometimes it’s not for the better, so if he changes from the guy I fell in love with to someone I barely recognize, I can’t promise that I’ll still love him.
  4. I won’t put up with abuse. I won’t stand to be abused verbally or physically no matter how much I love someone. I won’t stay with a guy who doesn’t have my best interest at heart, even if once upon a time he was Prince Charming. If he loves me, then he’d never want to hurt me. A man should want to protect me, not be the thing that harms me. I want to be with someone who makes me feel better about myself and makes my life better, not worse.
  5. I can’t tell the future. I’m no fortune teller. I have no idea where I’ll be five, 10 or even 20 years from now. I don’t know what’s going to happen in my life or his. What if someday he chooses a job over me? What if he wants to move far away and I want to stay right where I am? Will he give me an ultimatum? We don’t know where our lives are headed and I can’t promise that I’ll always be willing to take the same path.
  6. I’ll never let anyone have that much power over me. Love might be one of the most amazing feelings in the world, but heartbreak is one of the worst. I won’t sit by and let a man break my heart day after day just because I promised to love him “unconditionally.” He doesn’t get to just have my heart forever. He has to earn forever and keep earning forever because at the end of the day, I’m still in charge of my own life and I’m more than just the woman by his side. I’m so much stronger than that.
  7. I’m not afraid to be alone. I’m a strong and independent woman and that’s why I’ll never be so weak as to love a man unconditionally. Unconditional love means that I’m willing to put up with anything, and I’m not. I do have conditions and that’s why I’ll never be afraid to walk away. There are things I want and need from a relationship and if he can’t treat me the way I deserve, then I’ll never be afraid to start over on my own.
  8. I can forgive but I never forget. I live by the saying, “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.” That’s why I believe in forgiveness, but I don’t think I should ever forget because if I ignore the pitfalls of my life, how will I ever learn from them? I know I’m capable of forgiving a man, even a man who hurts me, but I’m not so kind to forget — and I think that’s a good thing. At the end of the day, that’s just not who I am.
  9. There are some things I’m not willing to sacrifice. Sometimes love isn’t enough. It’s sad, but it’s true. For instance, if I’m with a man and he suddenly changes the life plans we’ve made and decides he doesn’t see children in his future then I no longer see him in my future. I want love and marriage, but I also want family, friends and my career. If it comes to a point where I can’t have all that, then in my mind, I’m not with the right man anymore.
  10. I truly love myself. That’s why I can’t agree to be with and love a man unconditionally. There are conditions. He has to treat me right and love me the way I deserve. I don’t keep myself from unconditional love because I’m bitter or selfish. I don’t give unconditional love, because no matter what I need to always make myself a priority. I’ll never love a man if it compromising the love I have for myself, because I know what I deserve, and I won’t settle for less.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.