The Speech He Gave Me While Dumping Me Was Worse Than The Breakup Itself

The breakup came as a shock, but not as much as the stupid speech that came along with it. I could have done with ending things as quickly as possible, but his condescending dialogue really took our split to a whole other mortifying level.

  1. It’s the most patronizing thing ever. Basically, the breakup speech is when a guy breaks up with you but then spouts off a load of BS to buffer you from the shock of the breakup. It might be something like, “You’re amazing,” or “I’m sorry that I’ve done this to you. You deserve better.” Sure, it sounds good in theory, but not so much in reality.
  2. It always backfires. Instead of giving you answers for why he’s breaking up with you, his little attempts at boosting your ego or making the breakup smoother don’t help at all! In my case, they actually made me feel worse. While I was shocked by the breakup, deep down I knew I would be OK. It was his stupid speech that changed all that.
  3. Telling me I’m amazing? Really? He never gave me compliments like that when he was supposedly into me, so hearing it after he dumped me felt like an insult to injury. He might as well have said, “It’s not you, it’s me” for all the good that it did. If I was so amazing, why did he break up with me? It was just so insincere.
  4. The BS didn’t stop there. He broke up with me over dinner and after telling me how amazing I was, he proceeded to tell me how dumping me was a “difficult decision” for him. Um, what? If it was so tough, then why was he choosing it? If he was so torn up about breaking up, why did he go through with it? It really didn’t help me to know that he was feeling bad about the breakup, probably because I didn’t really believe that he was.
  5. Was I supposed to sympathize? I don’t get why someone would deliver such a speech. Did he want me to actually feel bad for him? Hello, dude, over here. I’m the one being dumped out of the blue over dinner. Let me have my moment.
  6. It seemed like he just wanted to feel better. Honestly, it felt like he just wanted to make himself feel better about ending things with me. He didn’t want me to hate him after I walked away from him so he was hoping to soothe the rejection with compliments and by looking completely tortured. It was actually really selfish behavior.
  7. He tried to give me closure. He tried to give me reasons for why he was breaking up with me. One of the most important things he said was that “we just didn’t connect in the way that [he] wanted.” Right. What was I supposed to do with that? It left me even more confused than I was after hearing that he wanted to break up with me!
  8. I had more questions than answers. His attempt at closure really sucked. Instead of clearing things up and making me feel better, he was leaving me with more questions than ever. I had to walk away with all of them and try to give myself closure, which took a lot of time and effort in the weeks to come. It really wasn’t fair on me.
  9. I’m always down for getting closure after a breakup. Closure can totally help you move on from the relationship if you know why the guy wanted to end things. There’s nothing worse than not getting those important answers, after all. However, this guy’s breakup speech totally screwed up that intention. It felt like he was trying to weasel his way out of the conversation and relationship because he couldn’t even give me a clear, coherent answer. Didn’t I deserve more than that?
  10. Less is more. This experience taught me something important: with breakups, less really is more. The more the person doing the breaking up tries to explain things and excuse themselves, the worse it can make the dumped person feel.
  11. Breakups are a lot to take in. Seriously, I was still trying to digest the fact that he was breaking up with me. I couldn’t handle extra morsels of his guilt and fake concern. It was just too much! Besides, I’d rather deal with the cold hard truth than have to deal with lies and emotional baggage that isn’t even mine.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.