How To Spot The Nice Guy In A Crowd Full Of Toxic Losers

Contrary to popular belief (and perhaps your experience thus far), not all guys are jerks. There are some genuinely good men out there, they’re just a little hard to find. Here are some pointers to help you spot one in the wild.

  1. You’ll probably like his friend first. If your nice guy is with a group of a-holes then you’re gonna notice his friends first and you’re totally going to like one of them even if you know they’re full of crap. All girls like a bad boy until they treat us badly—then we wonder why we fell for the same old crap again. The trick is to try and filter out the obvious charmers and look for the least obvious guy in the group.
  2. He’s awkward AF. This isn’t a bad thing—just bear with me a moment. He’s awkward because he doesn’t normally approach women and he’s often intimidated by a pretty face. But don’t take his shyness as a lack of confidence—it’s more that he doesn’t chase women as a sport. That’s the kind of guy you want.
  3. He doesn’t use pickup lines. He probably doesn’t know any, thank God. A nice guy will talk to you like you’re one of his buddies. Even if he REALLY likes you, he won’t turn on any charm, he’ll just talk to you like an equal. Shocking, right?
  4. He’s honest about things to the point that it might border on rudeness. This isn’t negging, where douchebag guys insult you first to then build you up as a twisted way of getting you to have sex with them. The thing about a genuinely nice guy is that he’s honest. This doesn’t mean to say he’s being offensive, he just doesn’t know how to lie so he’ll find a nice way of telling you the truth.
  5. You feel like you can let your guard down around him. Talking to him is different. There’s no challenge here, no push and pull. You just feel comfortable. Even if he’s slightly awkward, you know that he’s being genuine, so your defensive walls come down just a bit.
  6. His conversations don’t feel scripted. His eyes don’t wander when he’s talking to you and everything that comes out of his mouth doesn’t sound like a well-rehearsed script he’s practiced on many, many girls before you. In his eyes, you’re pretty special and not another notch to add to his battered bedpost.
  7. He’s not all that charming. OK, I get how this may seem like a negative, but let’s think this through for a moment. Often, the charm button is activated in order to get something like your underwear on his bedroom floor. We all fall for charm because it’s sexy. If you genuinely want to find a good guy in the crowd, look for one who can talk about everyday things and make you laugh, not the one that mimics your body language in order to get laid.
  8. He texts you back. If you’re lucky enough to find a nice guy and you exchange numbers, then get ready to be shocked because he’ll actually text you back when you reach out. You don’t have to worry about looking too clingy if you text him and you don’t have to wait three hours before you reply, either. This dude will reply to your texts in a reasonable amount of time because he actually enjoys talking to you and doesn’t want to leave you hanging. He also won’t send a photo of his junk because he’s better than that.
  9. He can’t be bothered with mind games. If this guy says he’ll call you, he’ll call you. The difference between a nice guy and a toxic jerk is that nice guys hate mind games and can’t comprehend why someone would ignore you for three days in a sad attempt to make you fall for them. A nice guy doesn’t have the time or energy for games. If he likes you, he’ll tell you and if he wants to see you, he’ll arrange a date. There’s no BS.
  10. There’s something different about him. If you’re used to dating douchebags then you’re used to the challenge of not knowing where you stand. This can be addictive. For some of us, it can be hard to accept the love of a nice guy because we’re simply not used to it. He probably won’t be the most charming guy in the crowd and he might not be as initially sexy as a rebellious bad boy, but he’s totally worth it. He’s not going to let you down and he’s got your back. This is the kind of guy you want to hold out for.
Rebecca Lori is a freelance writer and artist based in England. She spends as much time as she can travelling around Europe and finds inspiration for her writing, art and jewellery design everywhere: in the woods, by the sea and down the pub where friends and strangers tell her their most hair-raising stories!