Spying On Him Could Ruin Your Relationship, So Put His Phone Down

What could it hurt to check your man’s texts or scroll through his Facebook feed? You’re just getting to know him better, right? Wrong. You’re spying on your guy and you know it. It may be tempting to assure he’s not cheating on you or talking to people you don’t know about, but this isn’t the way. Unless your man hands his phone or tablet over, leave them alone. Otherwise, you may just end up ruining your relationship.

  1. You freak out over nothing at all. You’ve just started dating and he’s getting texts daily from some gorgeous blonde named Susan. You freak out, make a scene, and totally embarrass yourself. Turns out, Susan’s his sister. It’s OK for him to text other women. That doesn’t mean he’s cheating.
  2. Spying on him kills trust. Want to lose his trust and earn the title “psycho girlfriend“? Spy on him. Think you’re freaking out over what he does on his phone? He’s going to freak out even more when he finds out you don’t trust him enough to leave his phone alone.
  3. He deserves privacy. Everyone deserves their privacy. If he realizes he can’t even text something to his friends without you having to know every word, he’s probably going to leave you. He needs to know he can have some privacy when he wants it.
  4. You’ll try to second guess everything. It’s innocent enough scrolling through his friend list on Facebook or his contacts on his phone. But wait! Who’s that? Why did he like that person’s post? Why hasn’t he told you about that girl? You’ll drive yourself crazy second guessing everything you see. Then you’ll just end up ending the relationship.
  5. You don’t want him seeing yours. Why are your devices and accounts sacred, but you demand to know everything he does? If you don’t want him spying on you, don’t spy on him. It’s that simple.
  6. Jealousy doesn’t look good on you. A little jealousy is healthy. Getting jealous just because he has a few women on his contacts list isn’t attractive. Men aren’t interested in overly possessive women.
  7. He can have other friends. You might have tried to friend him on Facebook as soon as you met, but he’s holding back. Why? Probably for the same reason you’re checking his account on his phone and questioning every comment, post, and friend. He had a life before you and it’s OK for him to have friends, both male and female. Relax and trust him, at least a little.
  8. You’re not his mother. I realize some guys want a woman just like their mothers. If so, by all means, spy on his phone. Yes, spying on him turns you into his mom. Not sexy. This just reminds him of being a teenager and having his every move questioned.
  9. He’ll feel insecure over every message. Even if he doesn’t get pissed about the spying when he finds out, he’s going to feel insecure over everything message he sends and receives. Eventually, he’s going to realize you’re not worth him feeling that insecure all the time.
  10. You’re own insecurity isn’t attractive. It’s hard to trust people, especially in a new relationship. Putting your insecurities on display by spying on all his mobile activity isn’t exactly the best course of action. He’s just going to think if you’re that insecure in a relationship, maybe you shouldn’t be in one.
  11. Ruining surprises is just going to piss him off. Did you ever think that maybe he wants some privacy because he’s working on a surprise for you? He could be texting his friends about a surprise party for your birthday or getting an update about the ring he’s customizing for you. Ruin his surprise and don’t be surprised when a major fight ensues.
  12.  Just talk to him if there’s a problem. I get it, the whole adult thing is hard. But it’s time to act like one. If you have problems with something he’s doing, talk to him. You could even ask him nicely to see who’s been texting him or who those women on Facebook are. He’s far more likely to answer you now than after he’s caught you spying.

Give your man some breathing room. His devices are his own. Leave them alone unless he gives you permission. Otherwise, you might as well kiss your relationship goodbye.

Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.