I’m Starting To Think I’m Meant To Be Alone… And I’m Fine With That

I’ve always been a lone wolf, and while I do like to be alone sometimes more than I like being around people, I’m starting to worry that being alone is going to be a permanent theme in my life. Here’s why:

  1. I prefer to do most activities by myself. When I think about all of my favorite things to do, nine times out of 10, I’d rather do it alone. I’ll go to the movies alone, eat dinner alone, go to the beach alone, go shopping alone… I find I’m able to “take it all in” and really enjoy what I’m doing if I’m not distracted with making sure someone else is entertained. The only exceptions, of course, would be conversation and sex. But even then…
  2. Every guy I’ve dated has said he “just can’t do this anymore.” Maybe I’m just undateable and that’s just the way life’s gonna be. It could be that the guys I date pick up on my “I don’t need you” vibe and start feeling unworthy or unwanted, making them less attracted to me. I can’t really explain it, but none of my relationships have ever really stuck. We’ll be together for some time and then he’ll say something like, “I can’t be with someone like you,” or “I just can’t do this.” It’s no coincidence that guys don’t want to date me. I honestly think it’s just the way I’m made.
  3. I already own a cat. Yes, I have a cat, and I friggin’ love her with all of my heart. I have no shame in being a cat lady, which is one more reason why I think I’m seriously born to be alone. Not that all pet owners are destined to be spinsters, but there must be some truth to the stereotype, at least where I’m concerned.
  4. It’s always been hard for me to make friends. Forming new relationships with people has never come easy for me. As a child with mild social anxiety, I was incredibly shy and was sometimes even made fun of because I didn’t talk. I spent most of my recesses sitting under a tree or drawing pictures in the sand all by myself. Sad, right? Nowadays, I have a few really close friends but other than that, I spend most of my time just kickin’ it alone and that’s probably how it’s always going to be.
  5. It’s incredibly easy for me to spend a week completely alone. Days and days will go by without social interaction and I don’t even miss a beat. I don’t get lonely easily. It takes a very long time for me to get tired of myself and to need some social stimulation. I feel like the time period in which I’m okay with being alone will only get longer as I get older. So, here’s to an eternity of solitude.
  6. I prefer casual relationships to serious ones. I tend to err on the side of casual, and come to think of it, every time my relationships start to get serious, they totally tank. Maybe it’s because I get bored or maybe it’s because I treasure my independence SO much that I’ll give up being with someone long-term just so I can keep that independent self-image intact.
  7. I don’t have the desire to get married. Just looking at a wedding dress gives me anxiety. I never dreamed of my wedding as a little girl. While all of my friends were drawing out what their wedding dresses would look like, I just wanted to play in the mud. I’ve honestly never even given it a second thought… before now. I’m thinking about it more and more, what with the constant pressure to conform to society and everything. Maybe I was so disinterested in marriage as a kid because I always kinda knew I’d be going at it alone — and hey, there’s nothing wrong with that, right?
  8. I’m too good at reading people. When I start dating someone new, it takes me mere minutes to know whether or not I want to date them long-term. Since I have such good intuition when it comes to reading people, I end up cutting the relationship short or suggest we just fool around for a while/keep it casual to keep things from getting too serious. Come to think of it, if I didn’t have this “gift,” I’m sure I would have never even considered that I might be destined to be a lonely girl.
  9. I’m a special seed. Maybe I’m just too different and the only other people who I get along with are, dare I say, a little weird. I’ve been told on many occasions that I’m totally whacked and probably from some other planetary system. I’m a weirdo and damn proud of it. There are not many of us in the world and we all seem to have one thing in common — we all think we’re destined to be alone. Here’s to hoping we find each other.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.