Stay Away From The Guy Who’s Breadcrumbing You — He’ll Never Give You What You Want

Breadcrumbing is basically just leading someone on to fluff your own ego with absolutely no intention of making good on promises or fulfilling long-term goals. Does this sound familiar at all? You’re all this person wants one day, and then you don’t even hear from them for days or even weeks. It’s the classic cat-and-mouse game, except in this case the cat always gets what he or she wants in the end: tail. Don’t follow the breadcrumbs, girl — it’s only going to end badly for you.

  1. You have all sorts of wonderful dates imagined, plotted, and planned… and he won’t commit to one of them. Why should he bother to setting future dates with you when he can string you along and grab you at the most inopportune time possible — which, of course, you’ll make yourself available for? It’s okay — we’ve all been there and have done the same thing. To further avoid this, be as complacent about seeing him again as he seems to be about it; there’s no harm in playing chicken with a breadcrumber.
  2. You call him out for leading you on and things are fab… for two days. Classic cat-and-mouse behavior. He sees that you’re losing interest in him — or worse, that you’re onto his game — so he dangles the lure back out there and shows you the kind of man he thinks you want to see. Don’t worry: it’ll only last a day or two at most and he’ll revert to his crummy behavior all over again.
  3. He pops in and out of your life as if he’s got some kind of claim on you. But not a good claim — it’s more like a baggage claim ticket for a bag you thought you lost six months ago at the regional airport that didn’t even really have anything necessary in it to begin with and wasn’t even good luggage to start. Take it or leave it, you know? And it always takes more effort to drag your ass to the airport to pick that errant bag up than it does to just text it at random times just to say “hey.” And that’s it.
  4. Speaking of texts, he sends you drunk texts. A lot of them. You know a guy is up to no good when the majority of his texts come on the weekends during bar hours. It’s not sweet that he’s thinking of you while he’s out with his broskis — it’s kind of weird, actually, and it shows that he has no respect for you or your time.
  5. He rears his ugly head anytime it seems like you’re just over it. Breadcrumbing behavior defined: it’s all a game, all the time and all the channels are attuned to his amusement. The best way to piss off a breadcrumber is to lose interest, lose it quickly, and lose it permanently.
  6. He’s said in the past that he’s just not that into you but intermittently “checks in” to see how you’re doing. Unless you two were friends to begin with, this is unacceptable behavior. He’s apparently keeping you on the backburner for some down-the-road side action and simply wants to say “hey” to make sure you’re still available — and interested.
  7. He’s lazy, lazy, lazy. Maybe he’s one of the few breadcrumbers who does keep his word and hangs out with you when he says he’s going to hang out with you on that rare occasion. However, when you do hang out, it’s minimal effort on his part and maximum eager-to-please on yours. Don’t be that girl — he’s not worth it.
  8. The height of flirting for a breadcrumber is sliding into your DMs. No, really. The height of a breadcrumber is luring you in via social media and then letting the hammer fall when he’s not answering your @s, Facebook messages, or DMs. Falling into that trap is only setting yourself up for disappointment, or worse: egging on a breadcrumber. Things can get awfully sticky that way.
  9. He doesn’t like to talk about their feelings or the future of the relationship. Think Matthew McConaughey in “Dazed and Confused,” because that’s what he liked about high school girls: he got older, they stayed the same age. Why relate to someone on your level when you can blow off the Big Talks and continue on your merry way in vapid surface relationships for the rest of your life?
  10. There’s absolutely zero satisfaction surrounding your “relationship” with this person. Yeah, the occasional social media “like” or the “thoughtful” text message asking how you are might seem exciting in the moment, but it absolutely doesn’t pay off in the end. The whole ordeal leaves you feeling sad and empty, and as it’s been said, women can’t live on bread alone, so don’t settle for crumbs.