How To Stay Optimistic When All The Good Guys Seem Taken

Does it seem like every great guy you meet is already happily dating someone else? Ugh, tell me about it. It’s sometimes lonely to be the only single person in the room and it’s easy to get discouraged if it’s been a while since you made a good connection with a single guy. However, you’ll never find “The One” if you don’t stay positive about love. Here’s how to do just that, even when it seems easier to give up:

  1. Abandon jealousy. Instead of being jealous of the happy couples in your life, try to remember that their love is proof that you can find a great relationship too. Think back to before your friends met those amazing guys they’re with — the men were single, right? Great single guys existed then and they exist now too! It just takes some time to find them.
  2. Be the kind of person you want to meet. For every lonely single girl out there, there’s a single guy wondering where all of the great girls are hiding. You’re way more likely to catch this guy’s attention when you’re focusing on being the kind, ambitious, and generous person that you want to attract. Maybe you haven’t noticed him, but as long as you’re being your best self, he’ll notice you.
  3. Expand your horizons. Sometimes you just need a change of scene and some new social connections to lead you to the single guys. Pick up an entirely new hobby, one that none of your friends are into either. Or maybe enjoy your usual hobbies in the next town over. You’d be surprised how many new guys you can meet with simple changes of location.
  4. Avoid bitch-fests with your girls. It can be comforting to know that your single friends are facing the same struggles that you are. However, at a certain point, your mutual complaining about guys can start to sour your outlook about the whole dating game. It’s hard to stay positive and notice the great guys around you when you’re in a negative rut, so try to lift your girls up instead of complaining. Tell them it’s only a matter of time, focus on their great qualities, and you’ll all have a better shot at love.
  5. Take it one day at a time. When you’re struggling as a single person, it’s hard not to feel like you’re wasting time. What about all of those long-term goals you have, like marriage, kids, a 25-year anniversary? Try to push those thoughts about the future away. Remember what’s great about your life today and focusing on enjoying the moment.
  6. Remember that they’ll break up soon. Most new relationships don’t end up being long-term things. So, if the gorgeous guy you’re eyeing is in a new relationship, chances are it won’t last past a few months. For people in a relationship, that’s kind of depressing, but for you, it’s a blessing! Sure, you shouldn’t wish a breakup on anyone, but sometimes being a little petty (mentally, anyway) can make you feel a little better.
  7. Don’t obsess over one guy. While it’s comforting to know that the gorgeous guy you’ve had your eye on might be single soon, holding out for him isn’t a good idea. Don’t focus on any specific guy, because then you’re not going to notice any other great guy who crosses your path. Try not to obsess over guys in general so you can enjoy the great things going on in your life.
  8. Change the way you think. Reflect on any negative thoughts that pop into your head like, “I’ll never find someone” or, “There must be something wrong with me.” Neither of those are true and you’re not doing yourself any favors by repeating them. Immediately correct any thoughts like that with the real truth: you will find someone and you’re a great person.
  9. Hold your judgment. When you’ve been single for a long time, you start to expect that every guy you meet has some big flaw he’s hiding. Try to push away thoughts that he’s probably taken until you know for sure. Just like negative thoughts about yourself, negative expectations of guys can wind up being self-fulfilling prophesies.
  10. It’s not too late. The truth is, it can be to your advantage to be single for a good portion of your twenties. You’ll be working on your life and becoming a great person, and so will your future partner. That’ll make for an amazing relationship when you finally find each other. Besides, people find lasting love in every decade of their lives — and you have plenty of those left!
Ellysa won't shy away from the hard truths about modern relationships. She will shy away from commitment-phobes, red roses and toe socks.