I Stayed Friends With My Ex’s Mom & It Made Things So Weird

I really liked his mom and we always had a blast together, so when my relationship with her son ended, I didn’t see any reason to end my friendship with her… until I did.

  1. It was a constant reminder of the good times. Being around his lovely mom was a bit of a slap in the face at times. While we’d be catching up and sharing some laughs, it reminded me of the good times in my relationship, not just with my ex but with his mom too.
  2. I missed him. It was easier not to miss him when I wasn’t hanging out with his mom. Now that we were spending time together, it rehashed some of those old feelings I’d had for him. What’s worse, I wasn’t just missing him. I was missing his family and even his dog! I felt like I was losing it and when I regretted breaking up with him, that’s when I knew I had to get a grip.
  3. I started sending him messages. Not via phone but through his mom. At first, I didn’t even realize I was guilty of this. What happened is that I’d get dressed up to the nines and put in a little too much effort into my appearance because subconsciously I was hoping she’d report back to her son that I was looking fabulous. I also tried to be positive and act like my life was perfect, again so that she’d report back to him. I didn’t want him to think that I was miserable after our breakup. Ugh.
  4. There were limits to our friendship. This friendship had to change because my relationship with her son was no more, so when she wanted to invite me to her family’s Christmas lunch, I had to sadly decline because I knew that it would be awkward. It wasn’t fun knowing that there were these limits. We couldn’t just be friends in the way we were when I was with my ex.
  5. I was terrified of running into him. Even though part of me wanted his mom to remind him of what he’d lost when our relationship came to an end, that didn’t mean I wanted to get back with him. Hell no. To be honest, I actually worried about running into him. Whenever I met his mom at a coffee shop or restaurant, I always kept my eyes peeled for any sign that he was joining her, especially because I knew she would’ve loved nothing more than for us to get back together.
  6. I found myself thinking about him all the timeBecause she was always on my social media accounts or in my social calendar, I found it really hard to get her son out of my head. I wasn’t even just thinking of the good times we shared. I found myself going to the dark places, and that was unfair because I’d done all that work when we broke. I hated that my mind wanted to rehash everything all the time.
  7. She talked about him all the time. It didn’t help matters that my ex’s mom wanted to talk about her son ALL. THE. TIME. Seriously, sometimes she even started texting me about what he’d been up to and how well he was doing. WTF?
  8. He was seriously toxic. He was unhealthy for me during our relationship, so I eventually plucked up the courage to leave him. Now it felt like his mother was trying desperately to show me that he was doing well and improving himself. I wanted her to respect the boundaries of our friendship, and that included not talking to me about her son so much, but I didn’t want to tell her that and hurt her feelings.
  9. She was playing matchmaker. I realized that she was trying to get her son and me back together again. Even when I pointed out that I was seeing someone new, she didn’t stop hinting that we could’ve been the perfect couple. Fuck.
  10. I had to let him go. I had already let him go, sure, but not 100 percent. I had to cut ties with his mom, my friend, in order to do that fully with my heart and mind. I realized that making a clean break with him and his family was the only way to deal with this tricky situation that had become even more complicated because of my friendship with his mother.
  11. I had to look out for myself. My ex’s mother wasn’t happy about me terminating our friendship but I had to do me. I couldn’t allow myself to stay in an uncomfortable situation that was holding me back in life. I didn’t want to think about my ex anymore. I didn’t want to look back on our toxic relationship with rose-tinted glasses. I wanted to move on, and if that meant cutting ties with friends, then so be it.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.