How Staying Independent In A Relationship Makes You An Even Better Partner

How Staying Independent In A Relationship Makes You An Even Better Partner ©iStock/iascic

Believe it or not, relationships are not about clinging to another person for dear life! It’s a common mistake to make your partner the center of your world. Ironically, you’re strangling that person with your love and devotion. Here are several ways you can build a healthy romance on the foundation of your individuality:

  1. You were independent when you met him and he obviously liked it. Why would you change yourself when that’s who he was attracted to in the first place? Of course there is a bit of a shift when you enter into any relationship, but maintain your autonomy. He loves you for the strong, powerful, driven person you are when you’re on your own. Don’t become something you’re not.
  2. Having your own life is healthy. If you do everything with him, what else is there? You need to maintain the existence you had before you met him. The only difference is that now you have a partner in crime. That doesn’t mean he needs to be your partner in every little thing you do. In fact, it’s better if you share some interests but not all. This helps you keep a sense of self and makes your lives that much more intriguing.
  3. Separate interests = more to talk about. If you’re always together, what are you going to discuss at the end of the day? Yes, it’s awesome if you love doing most stuff together. Even so, save some of your life for your friends and your individual pursuits. Nothing is more fun than coming back together later and talking about what you’ve been doing. It keeps the relationship fresh and lets you learn even more about each other. Mutual respect and admiration is key.
  4. Having your own friends reminds you of who you were before him. How you treat your friends after you’ve gotten together with a lover says a lot about your character. Would you want to be with a guy who ditched his buddies the moment he met you? It’d most likely give you pause in regards to his reliability and loyalty. You both need time away with your own groups to recharge and refresh, and maybe to even remind you why you’re with him in the first place. It’ll make you more grateful for your time together to spend time with others too.
  5. Being busy and ambitious makes you a better person. This is true regardless of whether you are single or dating someone. It’s attractive to pursue your own interests, career, and life path. Lining that up with someone else’s path does not mean you abandon it altogether. It means that you work together to build a life while also working separately to achieve what you wanted before you met each other. That’s the way to be a true power couple.
  6. You should be partners, not the same person. It’s cool to learn about new things when you’re seeing someone new. It’s like an insight into a whole different world, and because you care about him, you’re eager to gain knowledge. You should definitely take some interest in what the other person is into, but it doesn’t mean you have to make it your favorite new hobby or pursuit. Be secure enough to know that not liking all the same things does not equal being wrong for each other. You are two separate people, after all. Not everything is going to line up, no matter what.
  7. You should never lose your identity for love. You must always, always, always love yourself the most. More than any other person. It’s not selfish, it’s actually the best way to give love to others effectively. If you have a strong base of self-love, then you can give love freely without jealousy, insecurity, and conditions. If you lose yourself in a relationship, you become small, weak and unsure. You’re no longer the person he fell in love with anyway. Why do that to yourself and your partnership?
  8. Your differences will keep love interesting and exciting. It’s so easy to let romance get stagnant and slip into the same old routines. If you maintain your independence and ambition, you won’t have that problem. You’ll always have something new to share because you’ll be exploring all kinds of adventures on your own and together. Your separate determinations to keep your lives interesting and to grow personally will grow your love at the same time.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at