We’re all guilty of staying in relationships long past their expiration dates, but it’s definitely something you want to make a habit. Whether you’re just not feeling it or you’re seriously unhappy with your partner, the excuses you’re using to avoid leaving aren’t doing you any favors.
Being with someone for a long time can provide a certain level of solace. You may not be happy, but you’re free to be yourself with a no holds bar attitude, and the thought of getting to know someone new can be daunting.
The relationship grants a sense of certainty in your life. You have someone to come home to at night, someone to have sex with (no matter how mediocre/predictable it’s become), and someone to be your plus-one to every event, and sometimes that feels like enough.
You get used to a certain lifestyle that two incomes provide. When leaving that type of situation, your own salary may not be able to grant you the same type of luxuries, and the thought of changing your lifestyle isn’t necessarily all that appealing.
Your partner seems happy, or has even verbally expressed that he couldn’t be happier with the mediocre situation. That alone makes you second guess your own dissatisfaction and feel bad for even thinking about leaving him. What’s wrong with you? (Nothing — remember that.)
Fear of the unknown.
Fear of being single again could stop you in their tracks. You often tell yourself that maybe things don’t get better and the grass really isn’t greener, but really you’re just terrified of having to figure out life on your own and of putting yourself out there again.
Just because you’re unhappy doesn’t mean you don’t love your partner anymore. You may not be in love, but caring about someone doesn’t go away that easy, even if you’re wrong for each other. You need to realize that leaving him doesn’t negate ever loving him, it just means it’s not enough to keep you together.
Fear of change.
Ending a long term relationship can be terrifying for some. You stay to avoid that change for as long as possible, knowing deep down that it’s inevitable.
Fear of loneliness.
After getting used to being in a couple, being alone can be a scary thing. It’s not that you don’t enjoy your independence and love your life outside of him, but you also know you’ve got him there to fall back on, and even the idea of not having that leaves you a bit lonely.
Ending a relationship can be a serious let down, especially if you’ve invested a lot of time and energy into him. You have a hard time admitting you wasted your own time, but maybe you’re just thinking of things all wrong. Just because it didn’t work out doesn’t mean it was a waste.
You have a false sense of hope that things will get better if you stick around. After all, maybe it’s just a rough patch, or maybe he’ll change down the line. You assume that because it was once good, you can get it back to the way it used to be.
You think that being together will help your kids grow up in a healthy environment, but you’re ignoring the fact that kids know when you’re unhappy and that can be just as damaging as ending things as amicably as possible.
You may not think you deserve better than what you’re getting in your current relationship, but that’s BS. Stop thinking so little of yourself and take a chance on finding something worth your while.
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