Why Do We Still Care About Guys Who Screwed Us Over?

Why Do We Still Care About Guys Who Screwed Us Over? ©iStock/Mikolette

It defies all logic, but the worse a man hurts you, the more you’ll think about him. Even though you know he’s the last thing that should be on your mind, you won’t be able to forget about him. It’s frustrating, but this is why we still care about the guys who screwed us over.

  1. We don’t want to start dating again. It’s hell finding a guy good enough to text, let alone spend the rest of our lives with. We don’t want to go through the hassle of joining dating sites and going on awkward first dates. We’d rather stick with the jerk who hurt us.
  2. We see the good in him. Even though he made us cry hundreds of times, we’ll remember the one good night we shared. That’s the memory that’ll play on a loop in our minds, convincing us that he wasn’t so bad.
  3. We don’t realize how badly we were screwed over. Yes, we know that he hurt us, but we’ll place some of the blame on ourselves. We won’t admit how truly crappy his behavior was. We’ll justify it by saying that all men act like him, even though deep down, we know he’s just an jerk.
  4. Jerks leave an impact. Mutual breakups aren’t memorable. Huge fights that leave you crying and shaking are. That’s why men who screw you over are the ones always stuck in the back of your mind.
  5. We don’t want to let go. We’ve invested hours of time into him. We’ve written and rewritten texts, told our parents about him, and bought cute outfits to wear in front of him. We don’t want to find out that it was all for nothing, which is why we’re telling ourselves that there’s still a chance that things will work out.
  6. We want what we can’t have. Unfortunately, most of us like a challenge. If something comes easy to us, we’ll think that it’s not worth having. We want to fight for our happiness, so that we can say that we’ve earned it.
  7. We’re most comfortable when we’re miserable. We want to be happy, but we’re so used to being miserable that we find it reassuring. When we’re happy, we’re always worried that something is going to go wrong. But when we think about the man who’s screwed us over, we’ll find comfort in our misery.
  8. We have crappy self-esteem. We don’t realize what a catch we are, which is why we’ll keep going after jerks. We think that we’re on the same level as them, when really, we’re towering above them.
  9. We need closure. We rarely get closure after getting screwed over, and without closure, it’s impossible to leave the thought of him behind. We so desperately want to know what we’ve done wrong that we’ll dwell on the relationship for much longer than we should.
  10. We can’t help who we love. Our hearts and our minds don’t always sync up. Even if we know that a man is nothing but trouble, it’s impossible to stop ourselves from loving him, even after he’s screwed us over.
Holly Riordan is a writer from Long Island, New York who has authored several science fiction and horror books. A graduate of Stony Brook University, she has spent nearly a decade writing for publications including Thought Catalog, Huffington Post, Teen Vogue, and more. You can find her on Instagram @hollyrio and Twitter @hollyyrio.