I’m Still Living With My Ex & It’s Actually Pretty Great—Here’s Why

When I moved out of my ex-husband’s house, I never thought we’d be living together as little as eight months later. However, due to a series of unfortunate events, we’re back living under one roof and not killing each other (yet). In fact, it’s actually not bad at all.

  1. It’s my house. My ex-husband moved into my house, not the other way around. I feel like this time, I have the upper hand. I pay the mortgage and bills so he’s technically a guest in my house. Maybe this is why he’s been doing the dishes, taking the trash out, and being a good house guest in general.
  2. There’s no pressure. We’re not in a relationship so there’s no pressure for us to look, act, or be any particular way. We’re simply roommates sharing a common living space. We’re doing the best we can to get along and co-parent our daughter, and since there’s no pressure to keep up a romantic relationship, it’s a lot easier than before.
  3. We both have activities outside the home. We both work full-time during the day and in the evenings we do our own thing—groups, meetings, hanging out with friends. Again, there’s no pressure or responsibility to hang out with each other, so we can do what we please. We come and go as we want and don’t have to “check in” with each other.
  4. It’s helpful to have someone there. I know most people can’t imagine living with their ex, but we never had a spiteful or hateful relationship and frankly, it’s helpful to have someone else at the house. If I have to work late, there’s someone to let the dogs out or check the mail if needed. It’s not a burden to me at the moment, it’s a helpful thing.
  5. He cooks while I set off the smoke detectors making toast. It’s no secret to my friends and family that I don’t cook. I don’t even turn on my oven most of the time. So having my ex-husband at the house my daughter and I get home-cooked meals and not bagels for dinner. We get pancakes for breakfast on Sundays and not cold cereal.
  6. He pays some bills. He’s only staying with me temporarily but for right now he’s chipping in when he can to pay some bills, buy some groceries, etc. It’s pretty helpful. In fact, it’s nice to not have to cover everything for once.
  7. He has his own space. It’s not like when we were married and sharing everything, including a bedroom. He has a room and I have my room, which makes it easier to co-habituate. He can have his space and I have mine. I don’t have to worry about his clothes on the floor or his snoring at night.
  8. We don’t fight. When married and living together we fought about money, bills, sex, etc. We no longer have the relationship where we share any of those things anymore so we don’t fight over them. There’s literally nothing to fight about. Sure, I get upset when the toilet seat is up but that’s not something I’m going to start and argument over. It’s one of those things to put down and move on from.
  9. I know him-the good, the bad, and the ugly. Sometimes when you move in with a roommate, you don’t know them or know very little about them. I know him—we were married for nine years and I had a child with him. It’s easier living with someone whose quirks and habits you know rather than a stranger. There are hardly any surprises in this situation.
  10. It’s temporary. This situation isn’t a long-term situation. We both know it’s temporary so working through the time together hasn’t been that bad. He’ll move out into his own place sooner than later and our lives will go back to normal like two separated people. We can overcome just about anything with keeping that in mind—and I’m sure when that time comes, I’ll be grateful to have my house back to myself.
I’m a 35 year old single mother who found herself in the midst of a separation this year. I’m finding myself and life again. I work full time during the day with at risk youth and freelance write at night.