I Still Love You, But That Doesn’t Mean I Want You Back In My Life

I Still Love You, But That Doesn’t Mean I Want You Back In My Life ©iStock/Martin-dm

I’ve created a life for myself that doesn’t involve you and I’m actually happy with it. That’s why I won’t ask you to go out for drinks, call you up when I’m upset, or even text you on your birthday. I still love you and I still miss you, but that doesn’t mean I want you back in my life.

  1. We’re not good for each other. I love you with all of my heart, but let’s be real. You brought out sides of me that I never want to see again. The way we act when we’re around each other isn’t romantic–it’s destructive.
  2. I can’t lose you again. Breaking up with you hurt me more than I could ever explain. Letting you back into my life wouldn’t be a fun way to reconnect. It would just be a way for me to get hurt all over again, and I refuse to put myself through that type of torture.
  3. I moved on a long time ago. We already had our chance and we blew it. I feel like I owe it to myself to explore my other options. After all, there are plenty of other men out there who would love to have me, and I know there are plenty of women who would love you, too.
  4. “Just friends” doesn’t always work. I’m sorry, but I can’t let you back into my life, even as a friend. Some women are able to keep in touch with their exes, but I’m not one of them. I could never view you as “just” a friend.
  5. I’m not going to glorify the past. The sex wasn’t actually as amazing as we’re making it out to be now. We were just two people in a regular relationship. It wasn’t anything special, even if it felt like it was at the time.
  6. The distance has been good for me. Without it, I don’t know if I ever would’ve gotten over you. That’s why I’m not eager to let you back into my life. If I did, all of those wounds I’ve tried to bandage might open again.
  7. I prefer the old you. We’re different people now than when we first met. I honestly don’t know if I would like the new you. We’ve both changed, and it might not be for the better.
  8. I don’t want to lead you on. I know that nothing will ever happen between us again, but I don’t know if you know that. I don’t want to let you back into my life, and end up leading you on. Just because you hurt me doesn’t mean I want to hurt you.
  9. I’m happy enough with our memories. When I miss you, I don’t need to read a text from you or hang out with you face-to-face. Thinking about all of the fun times we had in the past is enough to hold me over. You’ll always be in my memories.
  10. I’ll always love you from afar. It doesn’t matter how many other men I meet, f*ck, and fall in love with. My feelings for you are never going to disappear. You’re always going to have a special place in my heart, even though you no longer have a place in my life.
Holly Riordan is a writer from Long Island, New York who has authored several science fiction and horror books. A graduate of Stony Brook University, she has spent nearly a decade writing for publications including Thought Catalog, Huffington Post, Teen Vogue, and more. You can find her on Instagram @hollyrio and Twitter @hollyyrio.