I Still Think About You, But I Sure As Hell Don’t Want You Anymore

I Still Think About You, But I Sure As Hell Don’t Want You Anymore ©iStock/pojoslaw

Even after you break up with someone, it’s common to have lingering feelings for the other person. Not only is this confusing, but it can also be frustrating… especially if the guy in question was the exact opposite of your soulmate. Thankfully, even though my heart might miss you a little, my head is very clear on its reasons why I’d never date you again no matter how often you cross my mind:

  1. I miss the person I thought you were. The person you REALLY were? Well, not so much. My head knows that you’re anything but the right one for me, but my heart is still holding on to the person you pretended to be. I know better than to want you back after seeing your true colors, but I can’t help but think about how good we would have been together if you hadn’t turned out to be so lousy.
  2. The good times were good, but the bad times were really, really bad. I’m obviously not reminiscing over all the fights we had. The part of me that misses you is focusing on all the awesome memories we shared together, not the ones that involved you lying to me and generally making me feel like garbage. Just because I still like looking back on the good times doesn’t mean I’d be willing to repeat the bad ones.
  3. You were right for me at one point, but not anymore. I don’t regret getting together with you in the first place. At the time, we were a good fit for each other, and I really think that we were temporarily destined to be together. But, you know, the key word there is “temporarily.” Today, we’d be an absolute trainwreck if we ever decided to date again, so I’m more than happy to avoid that disaster.
  4. I’d regret it instantly if we got back together. I might lightly fantasize about it sometimes, but my logical side is well aware that it would be better to be single forever than to date you again. It was hard to break apart from you, but once I did it, I was so much better off. Going back to you would undo all the progress I made, and for what? A doomed, miserable relationship? Yeah, no thanks.
  5. I’m smarter now than I was when we were together. It’s funny how emotions can completely blind you to just how crappy your relationship is. I allowed myself to get sucked into what we had, but now that I’ve had some time away from you, my head is a lot clearer than it was. I can recognize that while I adored you, you weren’t right for me. Now, no matter how much I miss being held by you, my head is in a much better place and would never let me go back to you.
  6. After everything that happened, I couldn’t be with you if I tried. Even I managed to get my brain on board for getting back together with you, it would last for all of two seconds before anger and resentment took over. We have way too much baggage between us to make this work, and no matter how much I might want to make it last, it never would. I might still have lingering feelings for you, but not all of them are very positive.
  7. I love you, but I’m not in love with you. I still care about you, and I definitely wish the best for you. But it’s a different kind of love than the kind you feel for romantic partners. This is the love I feel for friends I drifted away from years ago. I wouldn’t want to date any of them either, but it doesn’t mean I’ve stopped thinking about them. Similarly, I still remember you with fondness, but the idea of actually being in a relationship with you again makes my stomach feel a little queasy.
  8. I’m grateful for what you taught me. I learned some hard lessons while I was with you, but in the end, they made me a stronger person. I wish I wouldn’t have had to go through them at all, but at the very least, I’ll be much more prepared when I go into my next relationship.
  9. I’m so much happier now than I was when things went downhill. Even if things were to start off well if we got together again, it would only be a matter of time before they went bad again. Quite frankly, I’m not willing to go through that. I was miserable when things between us were rotten, and I’m much happier as a single woman. I prefer to keep things the way they are now instead of even considering going back to such a doomed relationship.
  10. You’re much better for me as a memory. I can look back on you fondly, but I wouldn’t be able to say that if we were together now. Some people are meant to stay in our lives forever, and others (like you) are better off left behind. I’m thankful that you were in my life, but I’d rather keep our relationship in the past tense.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.