Stop Apologizing For “Breaking My Heart” — I’m Fine And You’re Not That Great

Getting dumped sucks, but it’s often pretty difficult for the dumper as well. It’s easy to feel guilty when you see someone you care about in a lot of pain because of a decision you made, so I get why it’s tempting to reach out and let your ex know just how bad you feel for hurting them. But even though I’m hurting a little after you ended things with me, I’m hardly distraught. I know you mean well, but this is why you really need to stop acting like our breakup was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me:

  1. You’re not as great as you think you are. I don’t mean to be rude, but it kind of makes me cringe that you think you’re worth pining over. Don’t get me wrong — you’re a great guy, and I genuinely enjoyed the time we spent together, but I’m not exactly worried about finding someone who’ll measure up to you. There are guys out there who would warrant a mourning period after a breakup, but I’ll have moved on from you after a day or two of moping.
  2. I knew we weren’t going to last forever. I won’t lie and say that I never liked you, because I really did. I thought we had the potential for some kind of a future together, but honestly, it probably wouldn’t have been the long-term future. You were a great “for now” partner, but I would’ve been shocked if you’d turned out to be my forever partner. It sucks that things had to end so soon, but I don’t feel like my soulmate just broke up with me.
  3. I don’t cry over boys. I’ve been through some rough stuff in life, and honestly, there have only been a couple of breakups that sucked enough to mess me up for longer than a few days. I have bigger things to worry about than whether or a not a guy wants to date me, so if you expect me to call you crying in the middle of the night, you’re going to be disappointed.
  4. I’m used to this BS. This ain’t my first rodeo, kid. I’ve been dumped by guys who were much better and much worse than you. It’s never fun, but it’s hardly new. Much like professional boxers are used to getting punched in the face, I’m used to the pain that comes after a breakup. I know that it sucks now, but it’ll get easier before I know it.
  5. Something in my gut told me this was going to happen. I don’t know how something deep within me always knows when things aren’t quite right, but I’ve learned to start listening to it. Even when things SEEMED perfect between us, a little voice inside me kept whispering that I should keep my guard up. I was bummed out when you ended things, but hardly surprised. Maybe I’d be more upset if I’d been completely blindsided, but I saw this one coming.
  6. My happiness doesn’t depend on men. No matter how much I like a guy, I always make sure I have a life outside of him. I keep my friends and family close, and I make time to do the things that bring me joy. You might have been a nice addition to my life, but you weren’t the base for my contentment — my happiness isn’t going to crumble just because you’re not a part of my life anymore. It’s pretty hard to have your heart broken when you have so many other things that can put a smile on your face.
  7. I’ve experienced heartbreak, and this isn’t it. Honestly, I’m sad about what happened. Breakups are never fun, and getting dumped by someone you liked always hurts. But calling it “heartbreak” would be an exaggeration. I’ve been cheated on by the man I thought I’d spend my life with, and I’ve been lied to by people I trusted with everything in me. Losing you sucks, but you’re going to have to try a lot harder if you want me to be completely distraught over it.
  8. You’re the one who’s missing out, not me. I’m not perfect, but I’m smart enough to know I’m a catch. I’m a solid partner and a great girlfriend, and while you might not realize it now, it’s going to hit you one day that you made a huge mistake by letting me go. I’ll take my time to be sad and then carry on with life as normal, but I get the feeling that the opposite is going to happen for you. Don’t waste your sympathy on me — you’re going to need it for yourself down the road.
  9. I don’t do melodrama. The concept of heartbreak is honestly a little over-the-top for me. It definitely applies in some extreme cases of sorrow, but most of the time, it’s too strong of a word for what a person’s really feeling. When you make such a big deal out of our breakup, I can’t help but roll my eyes. I’m obviously not feeling the best I ever have, but when you keep treating me like I’m moments away from having an emotional breakdown, I feel like I’ve been dropped into the middle of a telenovela. Let’s stay rooted in reality — my heart is very lightly bruised, not broken.
  10. Worry about yourself. You ended things with me, so kindly leave me the alone. I know how to take care of myself in both good and bad times, and I certainly don’t need sympathy from the guy who brought the bad times upon me in the first place. The reality of this is going to hit you soon enough, so focus on yourself rather than pretending to be concerned for my happiness.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.