Stop Blaming Other People For Your Problems

Despite the fact that other people can complicate the heck out of our lives, there comes a point when you just have to stop blaming everyone else for the things that go wrong. You have to take the good with the bad in life, and when things aren’t working out, it’s important to look at why that is. Could you have done something differently? Maybe, maybe not. But at the end of the day, you’re in charge of your own happiness and nobody has power over your life but you. Here are some reasons why the blame game needs to end now.

  1. You’re skirting out on responsibility. Placing the blame on someone else is a always an effort to convince yourself that whatever’s wrong isn’t your fault, but most of the time you’re at least partially responsible for what’s going wrong in your life.
  2. It’s all a part of the learning curve. No life is without problems, so just start accepting that and get a move on towards the good things (and there are plenty of those out there).
  3. Your parents did their best. They might not have made all the right choices all the time, but they were doing the best that they could with who they were at the time. Sure, we’re all affected by our childhoods, but that’s not an excuse for your adult issues.
  4. No one is forcing you to choose the wrong guys. You spend so much energy trying to figure out why your boyfriend is making your life such a living hell, without realizing that you’re just choosing to stay.
  5. You’re suddenly free from a lot of drama. The second you remove the blame from other people, you suddenly realize you have a lot more time and energy to do a whole lot more with your life… like maybe get working on fixing what’s wrong with it.
  6. Other people can’t really fix things for you, anyway. Sure, some extra money or a someone lending a hand to lighten your load is always welcome help, but there’s no one thing that will magically fix everything that’s not right, so keep your perspective on that.
  7. The car that cut you off was not trying to make you late. He’s also late to his meeting, and acting totally selfishly. Not your problem. Which brings us to…
  8. People are usually thinking about themselves. Blaming someone is sort of pointless when their actions are considered suitable to them. If they cared, they would try to fix it.
  9. Your ex boyfriend’s new girlfriend is not your punishment. When she got together with him, her motive most certainly was not to ruin your life, it was to improve her own. Even if she seems like an evil bitch.
  10. It’s not motivating for anyone else. So your boyfriend forgot your anniversary and “ruined it”. Refusing to accept his human qualities is just going to make him feel worse in the long run. That’s what apologies are for: moving on.
  11. You should get comfortable with not knowing. If your habit is to assign blame somewhere instead of quietly sitting with the discomfort of issues, you might need to accept that sometimes there’s actually no one to blame. It could be bad timing, bad luck, or just totally random.
  12. You need to take the blame. When you start taking the blame for your problems, you’ll realize that you don’t much like it, and then you’ll make better choices to begin with.
  13. Life takes patience. Sometimes what you see as problems shift so quickly into something else that you realize worrying about it was just a waste of energy anyway.
  14. No one can control your emotions but you. Regardless of who caused the problem or why, you’re the only one who can decide that you’re free to move on and drop the negative emotions you feel about it.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog