Stop Chasing Him: Why You Should Never Aggressively Pursue A Guy

If you’re currently chasing a guy you like in hopes of winning him over, stop now. While there’s nothing wrong with expressing your interest and putting in the effort to get to know someone and let them see all your amazing qualities, under no circumstances should these things be one-sided. Aggressively pursuing a guy is always a bad idea — here’s why.

  1. It sets a really bad precedent. If you’re doing all the chasing of a guy now, what’s going to happen when you stop? You’re basically letting him know from the get-go that you’re always going to go above and beyond when it comes to putting in effort while he can just sorta sit around like a lump on a log letting you do all the work. This is not a good look. Don’t let this happen.
  2. It kills your self-esteem. Do you realize how demoralizing it is to be chasing after a guy endlessly and being unable to stop because if you do, it’ll bring the relationship to a grinding halt? Maybe you started this whole affair feeling like a total badass with so much to offer a partner, but by the time this all ends, you’ll be like a shell of your former self who feels unworthy of even basic love and affection.
  3. You end up neglecting yourself. While you’re spending all this time fawning all over some dude (who’s probably a waster, let’s be real), all the amazing things you do for yourself to make yourself feel strong, happy, and balanced kinda go out the window. Chasing this bro becomes a full-time job, leaving you empty and pretty exhausted. Come on, you deserve better than that.
  4. His ego is big enough already. Does this guy really need his ego stroked like this? When you’re chasing him nonstop and doing all the work, the only message he gets is that he’s such hot property that you’re willing to run yourself ragged for him. Is that the message you really want him to get?
  5. He doesn’t want to be caught. If you have to do so much work to pin a guy down, maybe consider the fact that he doesn’t want to be caught. He’s never going to turn into the perfect boyfriend or be willing to start putting in the effort for you, so don’t even waste your time. Go for someone who actually meets you halfway. You’ll end up way happier.
Jennifer has been the managing editor of Bolde since its launch in 2014. Before that, she was the founding editor of HelloGiggles and also worked as an entertainment writer for Bustle and Digital Spy. Her work has been published in Bon Appetit, Decider, Vanity Fair, The New York TImes, and many more.