Obviously you’re going to talk about your relationship with your friends, and that’s fine. What’s not fine is constantly bitching and moaning about your boyfriend to your girls on a daily basis. The more you complain about him, the more space you put between you, which is just not good. Stop talking crap to your friends about your relationship and you just might save it — here’s why:
You don’t need to put your business on blast. Venting about your relationship might make you feel better, but only for a moment. It’s important to remember that this is YOUR relationship, not your friends’. Your friends don’t need to know everything that’s going on between you and your boyfriend, and putting your relationship on blast is only inviting outside opinions you probably don’t want to hear. What other people think about what’s happening between you and your guy shouldn’t matter — it’s what you think that counts.
Negative thinking will only make things worse. Complaining is exhausting, and filling your brain with negative thoughts about the guy you’re supposed to love is pretty messed up. That’s not to say that you should ignore big issues or think that your boyfriend is perfect, but bitching about him to your friends will only make you dwell on stuff that’s probably not a big deal in the first place. The fact that he left the toilet seat up again doesn’t warrant a 20-minute conversation about how disrespectful he is to you. All I’m saying is, have some perspective — negative thinking equals negative outcomes.
Your friends don’t forget. One day you’re bad mouthing your boyfriend and the next you have nothing but good things to say about him — happens to the best of us. Your friends, however, can’t stop shoving their two cents in your face. “You shouldn’t forgive him so fast!” “He doesn’t treat you right!” “If I were you, I’d just break up with him.” It’s annoying, but it’s what happens. What you say about your boyfriend in the heat of the moment defines the way other people look at your relationship. You can’t be surprised if your friends hate your boyfriend when all you do is talk crap about him.
He’s your partner — you should be talking to him. He’s the one you tell your secrets to and you love him. Don’t go around talking about him; if you have an issue, you should be talking TO him. I know he frustrated you and you want to talk it out with someone — so talk it out with him. Let’s be real: how would you like it if your boyfriend was complaining about how annoying you were to a group of his closest guy friends? To be honest, he probably is. Doesn’t that feel crappy? You guys are a team — you’re supposed to have each other’s backs, not talk behind each other’s backs.
Your friends’ advice is biased. Anything your friends say about your relationship is going to be slightly biased. They love you and therefore they’re way more likely to automatically be on your side. Even if you’re the one who’s wrong, they’ll say it’s your boyfriend’s fault. Your friends are going to tell you exactly what you want to hear even if it’s not on purpose — they’re only getting one side of the story. Their advice isn’t exactly impartial and should be taken with a grain of salt because they don’t know what’s really going on.
You feed off their energy. Your friends can get you hyped up and you’re likely to feed off their energy. It could start you complaining about him even more and end with you sending a bitchy text (that your friends helped you create). There’s nothing wrong with admitting that your friends influence your decisions. That’s fine, but not when it comes to your relationship. You need to be the one making the decisions, not your bestie.
They won’t keep your issues a secret. Maybe your friends keep every secret you tell them — but I doubt it. They’re telling someone! Whether it’s their boyfriend, parents, or other friends, they’re repeating whatever you tell them about your relationship to someone else. Once it’s out, there’s probably an 80% chance what you said will make its way back to your boyfriend — you don’t want that! If there’s anything you should learn from “Pretty Little Liars,” it’s that no one can keep a secret. If you don’t want a ton of people to know, you’re better off telling no one at all.
People will start judging your relationship unfairly and it’ll be all your fault. The more you complain, the more people expect you to do something about it. But you don’t want to do anything about it! You just want to let out a little steam with your girlfriends over good food and even better drinks, right? That’s how you might see it, but not your friends. They think your relationship is horrible and they’re wondering why you’re still in it. Can you blame them? You’ve become that friend who bitches about her boyfriend every second but claims to be in the “happiest relationship” of your life — choose a lane.
The more time you spend complaining, the less time you have to find a solution. Complaining about anything is a complete waste of time — stop. Easier said than done, sure, but constantly complaining about your boyfriend might make you blind to what’s really going on. Maybe you two need to work on your communication skills, or maybe you need to focus more on the positive than the negative? Whatever the reason, complaining won’t change anything — focus on finding a solution instead of just complaining about the problem.
Don’t complain just to complain. I don’t know why it seems like we have to search for the negative, in order to have something to discuss. There’s nothing wrong with admitting to your friends that you’re happy. Don’t worry, they’re not going to call you a love-struck psycho if you rave about your amazing relationship — go for it. Don’t just find something to complain about for the sake of good gossip, be proud that you’re more happy than miserable. It’s a good thing.
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