It can be hard to find love, but it can be even harder if you sabotage your chances. Sometimes, you may be putting off signals you don’t even realize, and that can be blocking your path in finding your soulmate. Here are some things that may be getting in your way of love.
You tell yourself you’re not worthy of love. Just because you’ve had a several-year dry patch doesn’t mean that you’re unworthy or unlovable, but it can be pretty easy to fall into that train of thought. Refocus yourself for a second. Have you ever thought that the dating pool in your area just isn’t wide enough? Consider traveling around to a city that’s close by, and enjoy the nightlife. If you want to find love, you have to put yourself out there and be open to the idea of finding someone. It’ll build up your confidence while also giving you the chance to meet new people.
You like just one type of person. Some of us are attracted to the wrong people. Maybe you like people you feel like you can fix, yet always remember when it’s too late that you can’t change anyone’s personality or perspective. Or, maybe you just date brunettes. Sometimes, physical attraction can grow once you really get to know someone. Don’t shut someone out based on something small or vain. Open up your personal filter search and maybe you’ll find love with someone you never expected.
You talk yourself out of going places. While online dating is an incredible way to meet people — especially if there are health concerns that are making in-person meet-ups somewhat difficult — it’s another story if you outwardly refuse to go out. Even if a group of good friends invites you to coffee, your first thought is “no.” That might be a response rooted in anxiety. The more you go out, the better you’ll feel — and, the more you’re out and about, the better the chances of making an unexpected connection with someone new. Try to say yes to events if you can.
You need to stop making yourself the center of attention. You want to find love, but that doesn’t mean it’s all about you. It’s also possible that you’re not finding love since you’re trying too hard. Life isn’t a Hallmark movie, and you’re not the lead character. If a friend is having a party, don’t use it as an excuse to try and hit on all their eligible friends until you land a match. Or if your friend is getting married, don’t hijack the mic and give an impromptu speech about how you’ll never find love. Acts like this are more cringe-inducing than cute and will make people talk about you for all the wrong reasons.
Don’t brag on first dates. Similarly, don’t try too hard to impress any dates you have, since it’ll actually make you look a little insecure. If you want to find love, don’t go into a date with a grocery list of the things you’ve done and reasons why you’re great. Let them figure it out for themselves as the relationship progresses.
Don’t feel bad for another person’s success. Much like the aforementioned wedding speech, nobody likes hanging out with the person who can’t be happy for their friends. If you constantly take other people’s joy and make it about you, you’re not being a good friend. And when you start losing friends, you may become someone who’s hard to be around in general. People like to surround themselves with positive, confident individuals. If you’re sitting around feeling sorry for yourself, you’ll only push people away.
Don’t compare your relationships to others. You might prematurely dump someone since you think they don’t live up to an idea you have in your mind. Remember, Disney princes are fictional. Plus, no relationship is perfect. Everyone’s had bumps in the road they’ve had to handle or disagreements with a significant other. One fight doesn’t mean that your relationship should be over. If you keep giving up when things get hard, you’ll never find a connection.
Don’t be someone you aren’t. If you don’t feel good about yourself, you might try on a different personality to see if it’ll attract more people. This is a big mistake — all changes you make to yourself should be genuine. For example, if you want to dye your hair blonde this year, go for it — but, don’t do it just because you think a guy would like it more. If you aren’t yourself, you’ll never be happy in a relationship. True love is when two people form a connection based on who they really are deep down. Be yourself, and you can’t go wrong.
Get over your exes. You need a clean slate before you enter a new relationship. If not, anyone you meet may feel like they’re being directly compared. Leave the past in the past, and remember that every failed relationship should help you figure out what you’re actually looking for in a partnership.
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