Stop Looking For A Guy & Let Him Find You

You’ve heard it said before: as soon as you stop looking, you’ll find love. If the search is getting exhausting for you, take a break from looking and let him find you doing what you already do. Here are ten ways to get started.

  1. Focus on yourself. You can spend your nights absentmindedly scrolling through Tinder or you can spend them making you the best possible version of yourself. Read self-help books, invest time in your physical and spiritual health, and spend time doing what you love. When your focus is on bettering yourself, you’re more likely to meet someone with the same mindset.
  2. Stop putting pressure on yourself. You don’t have to wear a full face of makeup every time you go to the coffee shop because Mr. Right may be standing in line right behind you. When you stop seeing every trip to the grocery store or party invitation as a chance to meet the love of your life, you’ll decrease the unnecessary pressure to be at your best.
  3. Invest in your other relationships. We tend to neglect family and friends when we’re caught up in a relationship. When you’re single, you have the ability to rekindle or strengthen the bonds you’ve created with those who are always there. Just because you’re not in a relationship doesn’t mean you can’t have deep and meaningful connections.
  4. Experience something new. There’s no sense in sitting on the couch bingeing on Netflix and waiting for your prince to come. Get out and experience life, whether it’s going to a baseball game, taking a hike, or saying yes to an invitation you normally would decline. New experiences are great opportunities to meet new people, learn something about yourself, and expand your horizons.
  5.  Work on your issues. The best time to work on yourself is when you find yourself unattached; there are no outside influences or distractions of a relationship to derail your efforts. Invest time in coming to terms with past mistakes, grieving over heartbreaks, and working on your known flaws. There’s no shame in talking to a therapist or admitting you have emotional hang-ups you need to work through.
  6. Stop forcing it. When you’re lonely and just want to have a guy around, you’re much more likely to overlook potential red flags. Your desperation may be attracting the wrong types of guys. Know your worth and what you’re looking for, and don’t settle for less just because you want someone to run their fingers through your hair.
  7. Just chill. As cliché as it is, love really does happen to us when we least expect it. Don’t freak out about ending up a spinster cat lady. Patience is the key to finding the right guy; without it, you’re likely to rush into a less-than-stellar relationship, which will soon find you single again anyway. So just chill and enjoy life.
  8. Focus on the positive. Have you ever known an eternally single girl who manages to slip in the fact that she’ll never find love into every conversation? That’s the girl you don’t want to be. You’re single, not dead. Focus on all the awesome things that you have going for you and live your life to the fullest. Don’t let your singlehood turn you into a Debbie Downer.
  9. Stop texting a bunch of dead-end guys. If you have a steady rotation of guys that you’re semi-interested but pretty sure wouldn’t work out, ditch them ASAP. Whether he’s a Tinder leftover or a guy you met at the bar, if you know you’re only keeping him around for the validation, you’re not doing him or yourself any favors. Sure, it’s nice to get a “good morning beautiful” text, but these guys are huge time wasters when you could be investing in a zillion other more important things.
  10. Find joy in being single. Single girls shouldn’t be twiddling their thumbs waiting for Prince Charming to come rescue them from their pathetic lives. Quite the contrary, they should be fully invested in living life, self-reflection, and finding happiness within themselves. By accepting this time as a momentary season of life, you’ll more deeply cherish your relationships and experiences and find joy without having to have a man by your side.
Lauren is a freelance writer living in New Jersey. When she's not deeply immersed in pondering the cosmos, you'll find her hiking a mountain, reading something philosophical, or dancing in her underwear. Read more of her existential musings at