Stop Saying All The Good Guys Are Taken, Because That’s BS

Stop Saying All The Good Guys Are Taken, Because That’s BS ©iStock/Aleksandar Nakic

When you’ve had one bad date (or relationship) after another, it’s easy to believe the old adage that all the good guys are already taken, but that’s absolute BS. Believing that the world is full of crappy men who aren’t worth your time is not only ridiculous, but it’s keeping you from actually finding anyone. They’re out there — and maybe this is why you haven’t found them:

  1. You’re only interested in the bad. The good is boring AF. You say you want a good guy, but secretly you want the excitement of the bad. Being bad is risky, but being good is a total snooze fest. That’s a really immature attitude, so maybe work on that.
  2. You don’t know the definition of “good.” Make a list of the qualities you want in a man. Which of those make him good? What exactly are you looking for — man who treats you well? A man who’s doing some good in the world? Before you start judging men as good and bad, you need to figure out exactly what you want from them.
  3. You’re too picky. How good is good enough? You can dream up the perfect mate in your head all you want, but that doesn’t change the fact that perfection doesn’t exist. You need to lower your standards or you really will end up alone. It’s OK to be picky when it comes to love, just makes sure you’re not picking out every guy on the planet.
  4. You think good comes from change. For the love of all things holy, stop trying to change a man. It’s a disgusting waste of time. It’s also insulting. You can’t look at every man as a project. He’s not a work in progress, so stop treating him like a new puppy to train. He’s a grown man, so accept him just the way he is.
  5. You don’t see your own flaws. Hate to break it to you, but just like no guy is perfect, you’re not the definition of perfection, either. You have flaws, and the right guy will learn to love them, but you need to be willing to do the same. Flaws are what make you unique, so start seeing the beauty in them.
  6. You forget everyone has baggage. Everyone has a past, everyone has an ex, and everyone made mistakes in their former relationships. Do you really want to be judged for yours? A new relationship should be a clean slate, so don’t get caught up in his past. Judge his character by the way he treats you, not the way he treated his ex.
  7. You pay too close attention to red flags. Red flags are something that hit you right in the face. You shouldn’t have to go digging. If you look hard enough, you could come up with a red flag for anyone, even yourself. Stop looking so hard for the bad, and start seeing the good.
  8. Your expectations are way too high. Not only are you picky AF, but even when you meet a guy that checks off all the things on your list, you expect his undivided attention. Well, guess what? A ‘good guy’ will have a life of his own. Just because you’re not constantly at the center of his attention doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy — it just means he has other priorities. Maybe you should too…
  9. You’re not willing to take a risk. Any relationship has the potential to fail, but you’ll never know if you don’t try. It’s always going to be a gamble, but painting all guys as bad is just giving up. All the good guys aren’t taken. You’re just not willing to give them a chance.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.