Stop Telling Me I’m Trying Too Hard Or Coming Off As Desperate — I’m Just Being Myself

As someone who’s been single AF for a while now, I’ve heard just about every criticism and piece of advice under the sun about the way I navigate my dating life. People are always trying to diagnose where I might be going wrong, and while I’m happy to hear some constructive feedback, nothing is more annoying and out of line than the being told that I’m “trying too hard.” I’m not looking for a mediocre type of love or someone who I’m just content with for now — I’m looking for my true match. Why is that so hard to grasp?

  1. My actions are a genuine reflection of who I am. Being told I’m too nice to guys that I date is just rude — stop saying it. If I’m dating a guy, it’s clearly because I give a damn about him and I’m going to put my best foot forward and treat him with kindness and respect. How am I going to find the right guy acting like a bitch (and why would I want to act like that anyway)? Why is everyone so deluded about the approach to love?
  2. I don’t give a damn what works on guys, I care about being true to myself. I really couldn’t care less what some dating rule book says about what I should and shouldn’t be doing. Being who I am is what makes me comfortable. The notion that I have to play games and pretend I’m someone I’m not to find real and genuine love is a contradiction to me. I’d like to think that by being real, I’ll attract someone else who’s real into my life. Call me crazy but that’s what I truly believe.
  3. I’m not going to hide my feelings just for the sake of playing the game. To me it’s pretty simple — if I like a guy, I’ll show him. I’m looking for real and genuine love and I’m not going to act fake, pretend to be uninterested when I’m really into him, or set a timer on how long to wait before I respond when he sends me a “good morning” text. The right guy for me is someone who doesn’t need any of that BS to stay interested.
  4. I’m a grown woman and I date like one. When I date a guy, it’s because I’m interested in seeing the potential and learning about who he is as a person. This means I’m going to contact him regularly, make plans with him regularly and build things at a steady pace like a normal human being in a relationship would. I shouldn’t need to fake a busy schedule or constantly wait for him to contact me. I’m not looking to love a player, I’m looking to love a man.
  5. Love is work. Period. If I wasn’t trying to find love, I wouldn’t be doing myself the justice of adding that special someone to my already amazing life. Even when I finally do find the relationship that’s right for me, it’s going to take work from both of us to continue our growth together — that’s how love works. It’s pretty obvious from my efforts at finding love that I’m no relationship slacker and I’m ready to put in that same thoughtful effort into the guy of my dreams.
  6. There’s no such thing as “too much too soon” if he’s the right guy. If a guy think’s I’m “too much too soon,” he’s not the guy for me to begin with. If I get him a thoughtful birthday gift and he think’s it’s coming on too strong, he can take his ungrateful ass and walk all the way out of my life — I really don’t give a damn. He’s not the one.
  7. I want to be with someone who lets me be myself completely. It’s in my nature to strive to get what I want out of life. I’ve chased endless goals, from educational pursuits to fitness goals and career aspirations —  love isn’t the one department where I’m just going to sit back and not make any of those same efforts. If you want something in life, you have to work hard to get it. It’s that simple. Anything worth having doesn’t come easily. That’s my motto.
  8. I still have the luxury of designing my happy ending, so I’m going to make it amazing. I could play the game, act aloof and settle for some guy who would fall for me based on an image I project that’s not me at all, but why would I do that when I still have plenty of time and patience left to search for the guy who truly compliments me? I don’t want some sub-par mediocre relationship — I want the real deal.
  9. I’m a person who loves hard by nature. Being true to myself means that I have no issue with showing my affection and appreciation for the guys in my life who I could potentially see a future with — isn’t that how it should work? It gets really tiring being judged by my approach to finding love when I simply know what I have to offer and I’m confident in sharing it in the hopes that someone will eventually appreciate me right back.
  10. I won’t let love pass me by. I hate when people say that I shouldn’t try so hard and that it will happen when I’m not looking — that might be true for some people, but I’m not about to miss out on potential amazing opportunities just because of some quote or some urban relationship legend that happened to a friend of a friend of a friend. Screw that! I’m looking for ridiculous, genuine and amazing love and I’ll continue to search for it. I’m not trying too hard, I’m just being myself.