It takes me a while to get over things sometimes. I’m extremely sensitive, sometimes to a fault, and I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve — two traits that make me very susceptible to heartbreak. I hate it when someone tells me that it’s time to move on as I’m dealing with the emotional fallout of a broken heart. How can I when I feel like my whole world has fallen apart?
I need some time to grieve first.
Regardless of what causes a heart to break, it’s broken. Something has been lost. Moving on is the last thing on my mind immediately after I’ve lost something. Sure, everyone grieves differently – maybe you get over things quickly, maybe it takes a while. It might depend on the nature of the relationship, the circumstances of the severing, or any number of other things. The point is, everyone deserves the time to grieve a loss, and no one else can determine how long that takes.
I’m not thinking of the future right now.
I know time heals all wounds. I know that this won’t hurt as much later. I know that better things await in the future, and the promise of the future is meant to help, I know that too, and it’s very sweet, but right now, I’m dealing with right now. Things hurt when they happen. That’s okay. I’m not ready to think about the next one just yet.
I’m not thinking of replacements at all, in fact.
All those other fish in the sea can go on swimming. They’ll be there in that murky future or they won’t. Immediately after getting your heart broken, you don’t care about jumping into the next relationship. If you’ve gone through a friend breakup, you’re not interested in grabbing your next bestie right away, either. I just want to take the time to feel my feelings.
People heal at different speeds and different stages.
They heal using different methods too. Telling someone to move on can discredit that. Just because you think I need to move on doesn’t mean that I actually need to. I know what’s best for me and when to pull myself together. Until then,
My feelings don’t turn on and off like a faucet.
A breakup could be a long time coming and still break your heart. A short but intense relationship can leave you devastated after it ends. I sometimes mourn people who are kind of jerks. I do that because I loved them for a reason, even if they don’t necessarily seem to deserve it by the end. I can’t move on just yet because that love doesn’t go away even if the relationship does.
Moving on seems easy in theory, but not so much in practice.
So many things can hold you back – fear, nostalgia, lingering pain. Besides that, if you’re stuck in a town or a job that’s filled with memories, reminders, even the presence of your ex, moving on isn’t quite so easy all of a sudden. It takes some time, thought, and finesse.
This isn’t something I can just “walk off.”
I want to kick people who tell you to walk off your feelings, anyway – like life is a softball game and you can walk off emotional pain like a twisted ankle. Miss me with that BS, please.
Just because this isn’t a big deal to you doesn’t mean it isn’t affecting me.
I needed to say it again for the people in the back. Everyone should repeat this, actually, because it applies to so many things in life. Even if something doesn’t directly affect you, that does not mean it doesn’t affect anyone. You might be just fine after getting your heart broken, but I’m not, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
I’m not trying to wallow in self-pity.
Know this, please. I get it. You think I’m not moving on fast enough. What you actually mean is that I’m not moving on as fast as you would. You’re right, I’m not – because I’m not you. That’s not self-pity, that’s just people being different. I’m not feeling bad for myself, and even if I was, that’s my right. I won’t feel like this forever, but while I do, I’m going to work through it in my own way.
Let me feel my feelings, okay?
Sometimes that’s all a person needs to do. They just need to feel their feelings for a second. Support them, uplift them, love them – but don’t invalidate those feelings by forcing the idea of moving on. If you want to help me move on, just be there for me. All I need is support, not advice. It really is that simple.
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