Stop Telling Your Boyfriend “It’s Fine” When It’s Clearly Not

Relationships are about communication and honesty — two things that can be hard when you’re in a blind rage over something that you just don’t want to talk about at the moment. Guys might be kind of clueless about what women are feeling sometimes, but if there is one thing they know it’s that the phrase “It’s fine” is a lot more complicated than it seems. So what’s going through his mind when you drop those two little words? Probably the same things you would be thinking if he said them.

  1. What does that mean?! To him, “It’s fine” could literally mean anything. It could mean you’re actually fine, or it could mean he’s going to wake up tomorrow to find that you’ve moved out, changed your number, and fled the country.
  2. She’s still pissed. In his past experience, this is usually the most likely interpretation of your, “It’s fine.” No one says the word “fine” unless they’re still secretly stewing in their pure hatred for whatever it is that happened to piss them off in the first place.
  3. I guess she’s fine, I’ll go back to playing Call of Duty now. Some guys aren’t interested in trying to figure out that you really mean, and taking you at your word is a lot easier than indulging your moody mind games.
  4. Does she want me to keep asking what’s wrong? Sometimes “It’s fine” means, “It’s not fine, but if you keep asking I’ll eventually tell you what’s really wrong. You’re going to have to work for it, though.”
  5. Do I even care at this point? If it’s been a long fight, shutting it down with a quick “It’s fine” is a great way to shelve it for now. You can come back to the yelling tomorrow after you get some rest.
  6. Is this going to be one of those “If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you” situations? Every guy knows that women can sometimes default to the completely unrealistic expectation that they are supposed to know what they did wrong, every time. But women don’t like having to point out a guy’s faults, because it makes us sound naggy, so it would be great if guys just knew when they were being an ass and saved everyone the headache.
  7. How can I fix this? Guys like to fix things. They aren’t good at the ‘listening to you vent just for the sake of it’ thing. They need an action plan and quick, because they don’t like to see you upset, but sometimes they need to realize that whatever the problem is, it isn’t theirs to fix.
  8. What did I do? She was pissed off when she walked in the door. Did I leave my shoes in the middle of the floor? Did I forget to do something? Is this about that fight we had two days ago? Is she on her period? Is this even about me?!
  9. Maybe if I leave her alone for awhile, she’ll tell me later. They know they don’t like to be badgered when they’re in a bad mood, so a lot of guys will just give you your space and expect you to confide in them later. Or not. Either way is cool with them.
  10. Well, I’m not a mind reader. If you’re expecting him to know what the problem is, you’re probably going to be disappointed. To him, it could be any number of things, and if you aren’t willing to explain it, he’s never going to get it.


By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to, contributes regularly to, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo