Narcissists are experts at turning subtle behaviors into ego-boosting opportunities. Without realizing it, you might give them the very attention they crave. Here’s how you’re playing into their hands—and what to cut out.
1. Stop Apologizing For Nothing
How often have you said “sorry” to keep the peace? Stop right there. Narcissists gobble up your apologies as validation that they’re always right. Apologizing when you’re not at fault just hands them more control, reinforcing their inflated self-worth. Start checking yourself—are you apologizing out of habit or fear? Stand your ground instead, and make them realize they’re not always the victim.
2. Quit Chasing Their Approval
Narcissists love nothing more than having you seek their approval. But here’s the truth—you don’t need it. You give them a golden ticket to control your self-worth. Tru whenever you look to them for validation yourself. You know what’s best for you and don’t need their thumbs-up to confirm it. Stop feeding their ego by reclaiming your sense of worth—your approval is the only one that matters.
3. Stop Making Excuses for Their Toxic Behavior
We’ve all been there—making excuses for a narcissist’s manipulative behavior. “Oh, they’re just having a tough time” or “They didn’t mean it like that.” No more. By justifying their actions, you’re letting them off the hook and giving them room to act however they please. Call them out. Hold them accountable. Letting them own their behavior is the first step in deflating that ego they so desperately protect.
4. Don’t Let Them Dominate Every Conversation
Narcissists have a knack for hijacking conversations. They’ll twist every topic back to themselves if you let them, turning your genuine chats into their spotlight. Stop letting them run the show. Interrupt their self-serving stories with your own thoughts, or shift the conversation to something that doesn’t revolve around them. Deny them the attention they crave, and you’ll leave their ego hungry for a change.
5. Don’t Fall for Their Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a narcissist’s favorite game. They’ll twist reality until you’re doubting your memory. Don’t fall for it. If you feel your sense of reality slipping, take a deep breath and focus on what you know is true. Stick to the facts, even when they try to rewrite history. Refusing to accept their twisted version of events takes away their power to mess with your mind.
6. Stop Being the One Who Always Reaches Out
Ever notice how you’re always the one reaching out to check in, make plans, or smooth things over? Narcissists love this—it gives them the satisfaction of knowing you’ll chase them every time. Stop being the one who initiates. Let them make the first move. If they don’t, it’s a good sign they only cared about your attention, not you. Taking a step back puts the ball in their court.
7. Quit Over-Accommodating Their Needs
Narcissists expect the world to revolve around them, and if you’re constantly bending over backward to meet their needs, you’re just reinforcing that belief. Stop over-accommodating them. Your time, energy, and priorities matter, too. Set boundaries and stick to them. Saying “no” isn’t selfish—it’s necessary. The more you cater to them, the bigger their ego grows. Don’t let their wants overshadow your own needs.
8. Don’t Buy Into Their Sob Stories
Narcissists love a good sob story, especially when it makes them the victim. Whether it’s about a rough childhood or a past betrayal, they’ll spin tales to earn your sympathy and absolve them of responsibility. Don’t buy it. Acknowledge their story, but don’t let it excuse bad behavior or give them a free pass. Empathy is great, but not when manipulated to justify their actions.
9. Stop Letting Them Take Credit for Your Efforts
Ever notice how narcissists are quick to claim your success as their own? They love to take credit for things they didn’t do. Don’t let them steal your thunder. Speak up and own your accomplishments, even if they try to overshadow you. Your hard work deserves recognition, and your attempts to take the spotlight are another way to inflate your ego. Shine unapologetically.
10. Stop Feeling Responsible for Their Emotions
Narcissists are experts at making you feel like their emotional state is all your fault. If they’re upset, they’ll twist it until you’re the guilty party. Here’s the truth: You’re not responsible for their happiness, anger, or anything in between. Stop carrying their emotional baggage—it’s not yours to bear. Reclaim your peace of mind, and don’t let their mood swings dictate your actions or emotions.
11. Don’t Let Them Guilt-Trip You
Guilt is a weapon in a narcissist’s arsenal. They’ll make you feel guilty for things that aren’t your fault just to manipulate your behavior. Don’t fall for it. Recognize when guilt is being used to control you and shut it down. Stand firm in your decisions, even if they try to make you feel like the bad guy. Your guilt is their power—don’t give it to them.
12. Stop Engaging in Their Drama
Narcissists love stirring the pot and watching the chaos unfold. If you’re constantly getting caught up in their drama, it’s time to step back. Refuse to engage in their emotional rollercoasters. Stay calm, don’t react to their bait, and let them handle their own mess. The less you play along, the less power they have over your emotions. Let their chaos be theirs, not yours.
13. Don’t Let Them Use Flattery to Manipulate You
Narcissists can be charming when they want to be and use compliments to get what they want. But if you notice flattery always seems to come before a request or after bad behavior, it’s manipulation, plain and simple. Appreciate a compliment, but don’t let it close your eyes to their true intentions. Flattery shouldn’t come with strings attached—if it does, you’re feeding their ego without realizing it.
14. Stop Accepting Half-Hearted Apologies
Narcissists are the kings and queens of non-apology—“I’m sorry you feel that way” or “I guess I’ll apologize if it makes you happy.” Don’t accept these half-hearted apologies that shift the blame back to you. Real accountability means genuine remorse and anything less is just ego preservation. Demand sincerity, or don’t accept the apology at all. Letting them off with a non-apology only boosts their self-righteousness.
15. Don’t Let Them Play the “Expert” Card
Narcissists love to act like they know it all—whether it’s your career, relationships, or life choices, they’ll position themselves as the expert. Don’t fall for the “I know better” act. You’re the authority on your own life, not them. Trust your instincts, make your own choices, and don’t let them talk down to you like you’re clueless. Standing your ground deflates their inflated sense of superiority.
