Breakups are always hard in the sense that you’re losing your boyfriend and your best friend at the same time. You probably spent a lot of your free time with him, got to know each other really well, and were important parts of each other’s lives. That fear of losing someone so close is why a lot of ex couples try the “let’s be friends” thing. But there are also a lot of reasons why it’s a terrible idea to try to go directly from being a couple to just friends. You both need a little time to distance yourselves from the relationship, and then maybe you can start fresh as platonic friends. But it won’t be easy.

You’ve seen each other naked.

Maybe you even had mind blowing sex. What’s going to stop you from wanting that again, even if you know you can’t keep your emotions out of it? The temptation to have sex “just one more time” might be too great, and that will make it ever harder to move on.

Feelings don’t disappear immediately.

Just because you aren’t officially together, doesn’t mean you don’t still care about each other. What if he does that mischievous half-smile thing you love, and you want to kiss him, but you can’t? Wouldn’t it be better to avoid that situation altogether?

It’s hard to see an ex start dating someone new.

If you stay friends there will be no way to avoid the moment when he brings a new girl around. If you cut off all ties, you’ll never have to know that he’s moved on and is happy without you (even though you do want that for him, obviously).

You’ll have to pick and choose what you share with each other.

While you were together, you probably shared the most intimate details of your lives with each other. But now, in order to get some distance emotionally, you’ll both have to find other people to confide in

You’ll end up falling into old habits.

You always used to go to the theatre to watch cheesy horror movies together, so if you’re friends you can still do that, right? But it also feels so natural to grab his hand during scary parts, and that could end up leading to more than it should.

You’ll always compare new guys to him.

If he’s still around all the time, it will be a lot harder to forget about all the good things about him. You’ll end up comparing new guys you’re dating to him, and it’s unfair to judge them based on someone from your past.

New guys might feel threatened.

Even the most secure guy in the world is going to think, if only for a split second, why is her ex still hanging around? He might trust you completely, but he’ll never trust your ex.

You’ll be stuck in the past.

Getting over an ex is one time when “out of sight out of mind” really helps. It’s already heard enough to forget about all the good times you had with him, but it will be a lot harder if his name keeps popping up on your phone, and you still spend time together reminiscing about how things used to be.

Old fights will keep coming up.

There was a reason you broke up, right? Maybe you just didn’t see eye to eye on certain things, so what makes you think being friends will be any easier? You might think you’ll be able to take things less seriously, but that’s easier said than done.

At least one of you will be holding out hope for a reconciliation.

Or else why would you want to stay friends so badly? When both people agree it’s over, going your separate ways is a lot easier. When one of you isn’t ready to let go, being friends seems better than being nothing.

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