I Stopped Focusing On Guys & Started Focusing On Me And My Whole Life Improved

I’ve always made my boyfriends priorities in my life, to the point that I’ve sacrificed my personal goals and friendships for them. After my last breakup, I decided to stop letting any guy be the center of my world and while it wasn’t an easy adjustment, it was the best decision I could make for myself.

  1. It took the pressure off of dating and meeting guys, which made it more fun. Because the quality of my life no longer depended on my relationship status, it took the pressure off of dating or talking to new guys, which in turn made it possible for me to just have fun with it. Instead of obsessing over whether or not the relationship would work out, whether we would hang out again and when, or what to text back, I began to just enjoy meeting new people and let dating be part of my life, but not everything.
  2. I learned that there are so many things you can accomplish when you’re no longer worrying about a guy texting you back. I started doing more things that I wanted to do because I didn’t need a guy to come with me or I was waiting to see if the guy I was dating would make plans with me. I stopped freaking out over whether or not the text I sent was too much or too little or too anything and started living my life.
  3. I spent my free time with my friends and family. Instead of constantly needing a relationship, I focused on improving the other relationships in my life, like my family and my friends. I wasn’t going on dates constantly when I was single or attached to a boyfriend, and that allowed me to build stronger friendships and relationships with my family.
  4. I began to do things I actually wanted to do. Before I started living my life for myself and not for a relationship, I was always doing things that the guy I had been dating wanted to do or was interested in. I’d watch sports games or go to casinos because he enjoyed it and neglected activities I liked or goals of my own.
  5. My emotions and happiness became more stable. I also had less anxiety and started to sleep better at night. The reason for this was because instead of basing my happiness and my emotions on an inconsistent guy or a relationship, I began basing them on myself and things I can actually control.
  6. More guys became interested in me because I was independent. My newfound freedom from relationship-hunting gave me a new, casual vibe—one that I hadn’t even tried to create and was just a positive side effect. I was no longer obsessive or needy and it was obvious and attractive. Just like the law of action says, now that I no longer cared, I had more guys asking me out and offering to buy me drinks than ever before.
  7. I realized I had more fun going out and doing things when I didn’t have to worry about whether my date was having fun. I used to constantly invite my boyfriend or the guy I was dating with me to go out or to any event I wanted to attend. I was constantly worried about whether they were having fun, and basing my enjoyment off of theirs. I also stopped worrying about whether or not I had a date to events and parties, and just went because I wanted to have fun!
  8. I stopped putting up with crap from guys and people in general. Because my world and my happiness didn’t depend on a guy or a relationship, I stopped putting up with anyone who treated me less than I deserved. I didn’t need anyone to be happy or to have a full life, and I stopped letting crappy people be a part of it. My life instantly improved in every aspect once I removed the toxic people from it.
  9. Like any habit, it was hard to break. It took effort to stop revolving my life around guys. I had to actually work at it, and there were times I almost gave up. But it was worth it because I’m so much stronger and more independent than I had been before.
  10. My world revolves around myself, which is the way it should be right now. I put myself and my needs first, and that’s the way it should be at this age. If I had kept continuing to put other people (namely, relationships and guys) first, I would be missing out on so many things I could be doing for myself and goals I could be making for myself. My life is so much more complete and happier– without depending on a guy or a relationship.
Kerry is a freelance writer from Boston, Massachusetts who now lives in the Sunshine State with the love of her life and her 15 month old daughter. She writes frequently about her personal experiences (find more of her work on www.followmetogetlost.wordpress.com). She has an Etsy shop with cute items: https://www.etsy.com/shop/FollowMeToGetLostWhen she's not writing, she loves to spend time outside, at the beach, and with her family.