I Stopped Looking For Love In Favor Of Building An Amazing Life All On My Own

I used to be a hopeless romantic but those days are long gone. Don’t get me wrong, I still hope for some success in the romantic sector—I just know now that love should be a bonus rather than the main focus of my life. Here’s why I’ve changed my perspective:

  1. It’s a waste of my time. Yes, I’m cynical. With so many failed relationships, can you really blame me? Statistically speaking, most of the time I spend on dating and romance won’t end well. That’s just the way it goes. While I don’t think any time spent learning is truly time wasted, I do know that I have more important places to direct my energy.
  2. Love doesn’t pay my bills. I guess I could get a sugar daddy and then it would, but that’s not my style. I’m an independent woman and I earn and pay my own way. Unfortunately, that means that my financial well-being will always be prioritized over my love life. That’s simply how it is. I have to take care of my business.
  3. My happiness comes from me. I used to rely on relationships to be the main source of joy in my life. Now that I actually love myself and the life I live, I don’t need that element to feel content. I’m perfectly fine on my own and I don’t need a man to fill some sad void inside because I learned how to fill it myself.
  4. I’m fulfilled enough, thanks. I have so many dreams, goals, and ambitions that I could never possibly be bored. My life is busy and exciting and full of laughs and friendship. Where I once would have found this entirely unsatisfying if I wasn’t also in love, now it’s plenty to keep me happy. I have tons to do.
  5. In my opinion, men are generally useless. That sounds harsh, but it’s pretty true. I don’t want kids, so I don’t need a partner to give them to me. I don’t want a traditional lifestyle and I don’t need a guy to provide me with some kind of financial or emotional stability. I have all that on my own. It would be cool to find an equal partner, but I’m not worried about it.
  6. All that guys ever do is distract me from my goals. I’ve always had stuff to do, but I used to love using men as an excuse not to focus on my own ambitions. It was so much easier to devote myself to a relationship than to put in the work on my own life. I got older and wiser and realized that having a man will never make my life truly happy if I’m not happy alone first.
  7. I don’t want to end up another penniless millennial. I’d like to believe that I’ll just fall into a wonderful career and figure it all out, but that’s not realistic. It’s very likely that unless I get my act together and fast, I’m not going to have a stable financial future. I’m already in my early 30s and I’m definitely not financially secure.
  8. I’m still trying to figure out my life. I can’t have anything distracting me from my most immediate issue, which is that I need to figure out my own life and how I want to live before I involve anyone else. That’s my goal first and foremost. Love will take a backseat indefinitely.
  9. I’m always happier single. If I look back on my romantic history, I can’t deny that this is definitively true. The best times of my life have been the stretches where I was flying solo. I can be exactly who I am and do exactly what I want. I love it! I’m focused and motivated and constantly working towards bettering myself. When I’m with a guy, I let that consume me instead.
  10. I don’t have any energy for a new dude. I have so much on my plate as it is that I simply don’t have anything left to give a relationship. Once upon a time, the man in my life would’ve gotten all my attention and devotion. Now I give that focus to my career and my future and find that it’s more fulfilling.
  11. I’m not getting any younger. Let’s face it—before I know it, I’ll be in my 40s, and I definitely don’t want to be in the same situation that I am now. I’m tired of struggling to pay my bills and always worrying. I want to find something that satisfies me and also keeps me out of bankruptcy court. It’s not an easy task and it takes all my focus. Screw worrying about love.
  12. Life is better without the likely chance of heartbreak. I always say that when I’m single, I never fight with anyone and I never cry… because it’s true! I’m really skeptical at this point that the highs of love are ever truly worth the lows. I have more important tasks in life than falling in love, like being the best friend and family member I can be and showing up when I say I will.
  13. I can fill up all hours of the day perfectly well without a man involved. There is never enough time to accomplish all I want to do, even if I completely forgo social interaction and relaxing activities—and who wants to do that? A massage or a nice long dinner with my best friend will always sound more appealing than going on a date with some random.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.