There is absolutely nothing wrong with sending or receiving nudes if you want to. However, after one too many bad experiences doing this, I decided to stop and my dating life completely changed. I still take pictures for myself, but I no longer send them when the conversation turns flirty and I like it this way.
In a virtual world, everyone has nudes.
Taking pictures of myself is empowering. If I’m feeling myself one particular afternoon or think the lighting on my butt looks spectacular, I have no problem snapping a few for my T&A gallery. It’s a visual reminder to myself that I’m a badass and don’t need a guy to remind me of it. I don’t really need a reason to take nudes and neither do you.
What am I getting out of sending nudes in the first place?
Here’s my problem: I was equating my self-worth with sexuality. I basically thought sending them was a way to get a guy to find me more attractive. We’re conditioned to feel this way as women, to place our value in the hands of others. Media and advertisements are constantly directing us to look at the power that comes with sex appeal. Think about how companies use women to sell. However, it can’t be just any woman — she has to be sexy. We’re trained to believe sex equals power, so if we give away these sexy pictures, we’re then becoming more powerful or valuable. Sadly, this just isn’t true.
It cheapened the experience.
If you’ve ever heard the saying “why buy the milk when you get the cow for free?” then you know exactly what I’m talking about. Part of the appeal of new relationships is the lust and desire, finding out the details of each other’s bodies intimately. Sending nudes is definitely giving away the cow. When I sent nudes, the person I would become intimate with already knew about my hidden tattoos or the birthmark in the shape of California, not because they had experienced it first hand when they peeled away each article of clothing and drank me in for the first time but because I had sent a nude in the right lighting while holding my breath. I wanted goosebumps and was settling for a cool breeze.
Quality men don’t ask for nudes.
If the intent from the beginning is a hookup with no strings attached, it’s understandable that you wouldn’t put much emphasis on this topic. However, if you’re looking for a relationship that might be end-game, a man worth your time isn’t going to ask for nudes right off the bat. Anyone that does is probably impatient and will move on to the next girl who is easier to conquer. Do you really want a guy who isn’t going to put in the effort to pursue you?
You’ll find out very quickly who is worth your time.
If you’re putting effort into taking quality nudes, shouldn’t the man you’re sending them to put effort into you first? It’s only fair that effort matches effort. If he’s not going out of the way to prove to you he is the one worth your time and attention, why waste your bomb photos on him?
Nudes don’t always equal sexy.
In photography, the goal is to tell a story through the image, to make the viewer want to keep looking at the picture until the story makes sense. Taking a look at boudoir photography, you’ll notice quality photographers don’t jump right into raunchy images. They’ve mastered the art of seduction and a nude doesn’t always mean sexy. A picture of something a little more suggestive without the obvious inclusion of T&A will get the point across.
Save the super sexy stuff for a few months into a committed relationship.
Nudes mean trust. There is no way you trust someone right off the bat, so stop sending pictures that you can’t trust a guy with. Save the sultry and sexy pictures for when you have established a level of trust and security. Think something like, “can’t wait for you to get home from work”, with a sexy picture.
Saving nudes for the person you’re with strengthens the bond between you two
. Compare the images you took randomly and keep in an album, to a picture you took specifically for your significant other, and I guarantee they’ll appreciate the one specifically for them more. If everyone is getting the nude, what makes it special?
Weeding out the weirdos became so much easier.
I know I don’t want to be with someone who is all about the instant gratification associated with nudes. I want someone who is going to pursue me, want me, and put effort into being a part of my life. Asking for nudes right out of the gate tells me you’re incapable of decent human interaction and therefore don’t live up to the standards of people I allow in my life. In that case, I’ll un-match and save my fire nudes for myself when I need a pick-me-up.
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