I used to get wrapped up in toxic relationships. I’d obsess, worry, stress and totally lose myself instead of realizing that I deserved more and didn’t have to put up with that nonsense. It was complete BS, but I’ve finally come to one very important conclusion: NO guy is worth my sanity.
I want to focus on the beauty of life. I wasted so much time worrying about relationship BS that I’ll never get back. It made me lose sight of the beauty around me that existed in my life and the world. If I had focused on that, I would have gained perspective and seen there were better things to do with my time.
Looking back, my drama seems stupid AF. In hindsight, all that crying over a-holes and obsessing about relationships tanking is so damn stupid. It looks almost laughable now and wasn’t worth all my stress. Yet I wasted so much time worrying. To be honest, most of the memories I have of myself stressing is a big fat blur.
I could drive myself crazy but it didn’t change anything. If my stress could have somehow improved a relationship, it would have because I stressed so much. Instead, worry and stress did nothing to improve things — it just made me sick. I should have saved all that energy and let the cards fall where they were supposed to. If a guy didn’t want to be with me, then screw him.
I was stressing but the guys were living it up. The thing about feeling so crap is that I was putting myself through emotional stress when the guys I was stressing about weren’t even thinking or worrying about me. They were out there, living their lives the way I should have lived mine. Once, I even saw a guy I was into posting amazing pics of his parties in Greece on Facebook when I’d been home stressing about whether or not he liked me. What a wake-up call.
Instead of asking friends to listen to my BS, I should have enjoyed their genuine friendship. It’s good to chat to friends when rocky relationships occur, but I’ve learned that it’s more important to enjoy time with them. It’s not cool to lay all that drama on a friend anyway. I’d rather focus on my amazing friendships when I’m down because that is what will keep me sane!
The guy worth my sanity won’t make me go crazy. There were good reasons why I was losing my cool and feeling like things were crappy. The guys I’d been dating were obviously pissing me off or pulling away from me, but I learned that the really good guys won’t do this. There’s nothing healthy about feeling so stressed in a relationship and it’s always a sign that things are not meant to be. I shouldn’t have tried so damn hard to make them last.
I paid in emotional health for guys who didn’t deserve me. I remember once feeling so distraught after a breakup that I was thinking about everything that had happened to such an extent that my brain froze: I couldn’t think anymore. It was a scary feeling! It was like my poor brain asking for a much-needed break. FFS, I shouldn’t have wasted so much mental energy!
Feeling crazy made me crazy. Ugh. By worrying and stressing so much, I started to behave in a way that was angry and short-tempered. Of course, I had used up so much mental energy, I was running on fumes so it was only a matter of time before I lost patience — but it made me come across as a bitter bitch, which is not who I am. Even if I was right to fight with an a-hole and let him know I wouldn’t stand for his crap, I should have just blocked him out of my life without the drama. I deserve to guard myself against all that crap that I don’t need.
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