I’m A Strong Single Woman So I Hate To Admit It, But I’m Bummed I Haven’t Found My Person

I pride myself on my independence and strength, yes, but sometimes my feelings are more complicated than that. I’m perfectly capable of rolling solo but I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t love to find my partner in adventure. Like anyone else, I get lonely sometimes. I’m kind of ashamed to admit it but it’s true.

  1. I can be happy single and still want love. People always want to make it black and white—I’m either a sad girl desperately looking for a boyfriend or a sassy single chick who doesn’t give a crap. It’s not that simple. I’m content and I love my life but I’d also love to find a guy to share it with.
  2. I’ve always been a bit of a romantic. I grew up watching too many old movies and reading too many romantic books. I thought I was guaranteed to find my one true love eventually! Funny enough, life doesn’t work that way. Even though I’m grown now and I get that it’s more complicated, I still yearn for romance sometimes.
  3. I secretly always believed it would just happen for me. I tried so hard to make every guy I dated into “The One.” I decided that if I loved someone, I was going to make it work no matter how much it really didn’t. Now I’m getting older and I have a hard time meeting guys I really connect with, which is scary.
  4. I’m a little worried that it’ll never happen at all. I assumed that my person would just come around eventually, like a magical fairytale. Now I realize that no one is guaranteed anything, including love. I’m still hopeful that it’ll happen for me but I’m definitely sad that I’m without it right now.
  5. I’m strong and independent but also soft and loving. I’m a complex being—we all are. It’s OK to be multifaceted! That’s what makes humans so fascinating. I can hang with living on my own and doing my thing but I have a lot of love to give to the right person so I want to make that happen.
  6. I don’t need anyone but it would be nice to have someone. Yeah, sure, I can handle being on my own. I’ve always been a loner anyway—I live alone and love it. At the same time, if I found the right balance in a relationship with someone who understood my need for independence, I’d be stoked. I’m sure someone like that exists.
  7. I never imagined I’d get to this age without finding him. I’ve always had boyfriends but never realized I was wasting my time with the wrong guys. Now I’ve been single awhile because I’m more selective and also because the pickings are slimmer. I look around and it seems like a lot of the better dudes are taken.
  8. I sometimes wonder if there’s anyone left for me. I guess maybe I can catch a good dude in the second round after his first mistake doesn’t work out? Now that I’m older, it seems like almost every guy I meet and actually like is already very taken. Logically, I know this can’t be the case but it certainly seems like it is.
  9. I don’t believe all the comforting platitudes anymore. I used to believe it when people said that the right guy would come along or that all I had to do to get love was stop looking for it. Unfortunately, that’s not necessarily true. I always brush it off and tell them that I’m fine but I also get wistful for love.
  10. I don’t like admitting that it bums me out because I feel weak. I can handle being single and also have moments of vulnerability when I wish I wasn’t. I don’t like bringing it up, though, because other people always give me unwelcome advice. I want to express myself without hearing everyone’s two cents.
  11. I’m a human and I’m allowed to have conflicting emotions. I have to be strong enough to not care what anyone else thinks and just be myself. One day I’m perfectly fine and totally happy single, the next I might feel a little down and in need of some affection. So what? Everyone changes day to day.
  12. I don’t like being put in boxes so I keep these feelings to myself. I try to keep my opinions to myself when it comes to others because it’s really not my business. I do that because I hate it when people don’t respect me the same way. I’d rather just be quiet about the fact that it’d be nice to have true love.
  13. I keep trying and failing to put myself out there. It’s hard to find the balance between stepping out of my comfort zone and being untrue to who I am. I’m not the kind of person who does well with online dating, so I’ve decided to stop. I’m also not all that social and kind of shy with guys, so that’s not helpful either.
  14. I go back and forth between not caring and caring desperately. I have a definite emotional cycle—a period of time where I’m busy and productive and loving my life, followed by a lull when I want to cuddle and be loved. I’m sure it’s somewhat hormonal so I try not to let it dictate my actions.
  15. I’m attempting to stay nonchalant and cautiously optimistic at the same time. Rather than giving into my moods, I consciously try to strike a balance between them. I remind myself not to take any of it too seriously and enjoy my life as much as I can. As much as I hope for love, I also don’t want to waste my time pining away for it.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.