Is Your Strongest Self Or Your Weakest Self Making Your Dating Decisions?

Is Your Strongest Self Or Your Weakest Self Making Your Dating Decisions? ©iStock/gpointstudio

When it comes to making relationship choices, it can often feel like you have two selves pulling you in opposite directions. Your strong self is the one that can easily look a bad situation in face, say “screw you,” and immediately leave. Your weak self doesn’t look it in the face, fears confrontation, and just puts up with it. This is the part of yourself that you need to work on. Still not sure what I mean? Here’s how those two unique selves act in different dating situations:

  1. Your strongest self doesn’t tolerate being lied to, even over small things. Your weakest self convinces you that lying isn’t a big deal.
  2. Your strongest self walks away from a cheating partner. Your weakest self rationalizes their cheating by saying we all make mistakes.
  3. Your strongest self makes no apologies for your sexual past or your “number.” Your weakest self lies about your number of sex partners and feels ashamed.
  4. Your strongest self leaves an emotionally and verbally abusive partner. Your weakest self blames yourself for the abuse.
  5. Your strongest self knows that sex isn’t some sort of obligation in a relationship. Your weakest self thinks it’s your job to put out whenever your partner wants it.
  6. Your strongest self tells your partner to GTFO when they body shame you. Your weakest self immediately goes on a diet.
  7. Your strongest self has expectations and wants them met. Your weakest self has no expectations and hopes for the best.
  8. Your strongest self demands to be sexually satisfied. Your weakest self fakes orgasms.
  9. Your strongest self needs to be an equal partner in a relationship. Your weakest self just wants a boyfriend.
  10. Your strongest self knows that you’re not your partner’s personal bank. Your weakest self goes broke giving money to your partner who’s too irresponsible to keep a job.
  11. Your strongest self doesn’t believe in multiple chances when your partner messes up. Your weakest self doesn’t believe there’s a limit on second chances.
  12. Your strongest self must be respected by your partner at all times. Your weakest self is content with being respected only sometimes.
  13. Your strongest self doesn’t put up with your partner being rude to your friends and family . Your weakest self makes excuses for your partner’s behavior, then forgives them.
  14. Your strongest self balances your relationship and your friendships. Your weakest self puts your friends second all the time.
  15. Your strongest self immediately shoots down the “you’re crazy” label. Your weakest self wonders if maybe you are really crazy.
  16. Your strongest self wants to discuss problems in the relationship. Your weakest self just hopes the problems will go away on their own.
  17. Your strongest self is clear about your boundaries. Your weakest self never addresses them or speaks up when they’re crossed.
  18. Your strongest self gets angry when your goals and dreams are mocked or belittled. Your weakest self sheepishly agrees and gives up on them.
  19. Your strongest self isn’t afraid of being honest. Your weakest self would rather not rock the boat.
  20. Your strongest self won’t stand for being “hushed” or talked over in a conversation. Your weakest self shuts the hell up, telling yourself that what you had to say wasn’t interesting anyway.
  21. Your strongest self knows when to walk away. Your weakest self hangs around and around and around, and has no idea when it’s time to leave.
Amanda Chatel is a sexual health, mental health, and wellness journalist with more than a decade of experience. Her work has been featured in Shape, Glamour, SELF, Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Elle, Mic, Men's Health and Bustle, where she was a lifestyle writer for seven years. In 2019, The League included Amanda in their "15 Inspirational Feminists Every Single Person Should Follow on Twitter" list.

Amanda has a bachelor's degree in English and master's degree in Creative Writing from the University of New Hampshire. She divides her time between NYC, Paris, and Barcelona.

You can follow her on Instagram @la_chatel or on Twitter @angrychatel.