The Struggles Of Being A Woman With A High Sex Drive

Men are expected to have high sex drives, while women are expected to make excuses about headaches to get out of having to sleep with them. While that’s the case in some relationships, it’s not the way it works for every couple. Sometimes women are much more interested in sex than men. Whether that’s a gift or a curse is up to you, but this is what life is like when you’re a woman with a high sex drive.

  1. Men tend to be intimidated by us. It’s pretty much expected that men are going to want to get it on 24/7, but when a woman is extra frisky all the time, suddenly it’s a problem. A study published in the European Journal of Social Psychology found that women feel more confident when their male partner wants to have sex all the time, the opposite is true for men. “A woman’s high levels of sex drive might be connoted with infidelity tendencies and be thus perceived by men as a relationship threat,” the study’s authors stated.
  2. We get distracted easily. It’s hard to focus in class because we keep fantasizing about the cute boy across the room. It’s just as difficult to deal with customers at work because we’re wondering what they look like naked. Even using the Internet is hard, because watching sex online is always a click away.
  3. We have to teach the guys we sleep with. Women with high sex drives aren’t foolish enough to fake an orgasm. If we did, then our sexual desire would never go away. That’s why we won’t pretend that a man is doing a good job in bed when he isn’t. We’ll offer him constructive criticism so that we both get the best experience possible.
  4. We’re often slut-shamed by our friends and family members. It’s 2022. There should be zero issue with women enjoying sex, and yet even those close to us can sometimes be way too judgmental for their own good. This is particularly true for those of us who enjoy casual sex or are in open relationships. People just don’t get it, so they hate on it.
  5. Sometimes our sex toys are better than actually getting laid. Men aren’t the only ones who are skilled in the art of masturbation. Luckily, we don’t need to use our hands in order to orgasm. We can buy dildos and vibrators that do most of the work for us. Sometimes, it beats having a one-night stand.
  6. We’re always initiating. We’re usually tasked with having to make the first move, because we crave sex more often than our partners do. That’s why we aren’t afraid to touch our man’s thighs, start kissing him, or rip off his clothes. If we want sex, then we’re smart enough to ask for it.
  7. We love having quickies. Every woman loves foreplay, but when you have a high sex drive, you don’t mind the occasional quickie. In fact, it can be way more exciting to have sex for five minutes in a bathroom stall than to rub up against each other in bed for an hour.

More struggles of being a woman with a high libido

  1. Some people can’t handle how openly we talk about sex. Some people cringe when they hear the word “clitoris,” but we aren’t like them. We don’t mind talking to our friends about our favorite positions, our number of partners, and what condom brands we use. After all, it’s healthy to talk openly about sex.
  2. People think we’re not normal. If you’re a woman with a high sex drive, no doubt you’ve had people suggest that you might legitimately suffer from sex addiction or have other psychological issues that lead to a love of getting it on. While that can certainly be true for some people, both men and women, that’s definitely not the case for everyone and it’s unfair that people assume it is.
  3. We realize we can’t have sex “whenever we want.” Men assume that single women can have sex whenever they want because all they have to do is walk up to a man and ask him back to their place. However, they’re forgetting about the chances of us contracting an STD, getting pregnant, or getting brutally murdered by a stranger. They’re all possibilities when you’re a woman.
  4. There’s nothing left to learn about our own bodies. We’ve had every type of orgasm there is. In fact, we’ve masturbated enough to know exactly how our bodies respond to certain touches. After all, if we don’t know what makes us tick, how could we expect a man to ever figure it out?
  5. We’re always having to reassure our partners. A woman with a high sex drive knows one thing for sure: finding a partner who isn’t paranoid about it is like finding a needle in a haystack. Many people believe that because we have a high libido, that must mean that we’ll sleep around with anyone and everyone because we can never get enough. That’s ridiculous, of course. Unless we’ve agreed to an open relationship, we’re just as loyal as anyone else.
  6. We get upset over rejection. Newsflash: Men don’t actually want sex all the time. Occasionally, their stomachs hurt, they’re overstressed, or they’re just not in the mood. Of course, women are told that men are always ready to jump in the sack, which is why the constant rejections can make us wonder if we’re undesirable. That can cause our confidence to plummet.
  7. Sex needs to be steamy. There’s more to a marriage than sex. However, we know the value of intercourse. If we want to be with someone for the rest of our life, we need to enjoy the feel of the person’s body. If we don’t feel a strong physical connection, then we know the emotional connection will eventually break.

Why a woman might have a high sex drive

It seems weird to even ask this question because it implies that something is abnormal about it in some way, but that’s not it. However, it’s worth diving into why we might like getting laid more than other women we know.

  1. Hormones These bad boys control absolutely everything in your body, from your hunger levels to how you sleep and everything in between. It’s no surprise, then, that changing hormones contribute to your libido. As your estrogen levels rise — as they do before and during ovulation — a woman’s sex drive is naturally higher. And this doesn’t change once you go through menopause. A 2016 report found that women taking HRT, specifically estrogen-based treatments, felt the same way about intimacy.
  2. Fitness levels If you’re a woman who’s been losing weight and/or putting in the hours at the gym, don’t be surprised if that naturally results in a high sex drive. A 2018 study, albeit a pretty small one, found a link between fitness and libido and found that for women in particular, higher cardiovascular endurance was a good thing when it came to bedroom activities. “Physical activity may make us feel more connected to our bodies and could increase self-image,” says sex and relationship therapist Kamil Lewis. “When we feel good about ourselves, we’re likely to want to engage in partnered sex more frequently.”
  3. Getting older A 2010 study of adult women discovered that it’s not young women who have high sex drives, it’s those who are a bit older. In fact, women between the ages of 27 and 45 reported having not only more active sex lives but also more active and intense sexual fantasies than those aged 18 to 26. Who knew?
  4. Healthy relationships At the end of the day, it really could be this simple. Maybe you’re not really a “woman with a high sex drive,” you’re a woman who’s in a relationship that makes you feel comfortable, supported, and confident, and this makes you want to be as close as possible to your partner as often as possible. What’s wrong with that? “You’re going to want more of something that feels good, and that’s pleasurable to you,” observes Dr. Tamika K. Cross, MD, FACOG. It makes perfect sense!
Holly Riordan is a writer from Long Island, New York who has authored several science fiction and horror books. A graduate of Stony Brook University, she has spent nearly a decade writing for publications including Thought Catalog, Huffington Post, Teen Vogue, and more. You can find her on Instagram @hollyrio and Twitter @hollyyrio.