The Struggles Of Caring Too Much In An “IDGAF” Kind Of World

If you’re anything like me, you’re the type of person to care entirely too much about every aspect of your life. While simply caring is far from unhealthy, it’s troubling to overextend yourself to the point of near self-destruction and crazy stress dreams (hello, teeth falling from my mouth while I stand naked in the produce aisle of the grocery store). Can you relate? This one’s for you.

1. YOU’RE ALWAYS WILLING TO TAKE THE BLAME. Accepting blame for something that was never your fault is an easy way to avoid confrontation and make everyone happy. Your roommate leaves a candle burning in your apartment, denies it, and you take the fall to avoid any conflict in your friendship. Your coworker forgets to make copies and you take the blame because she’s had a hard week. Not only are you enabling irresponsible behavior in the people you care about, you’re putting your own reputation on the line. You can look after the people in your life while looking out for yourself, as well.
2. YOU’RE FOREVER GOING THE EXTRA MILE. You stay late at work because your boss asked nicely, even though you’d planned to have dinner with your parents. You organize a giant, expensive birthday party for your new beau to impress him and convince his friends you’re cool. Listen, there are always going to be extra miles, but the responsibility of taking them shouldn’t rest solely on your shoulders.
3. YOU APOLOGIZE MORE THAN YOU SHOULD. Excessive apologizing seems to be ingrained in a woman’s DNA, even more so if you’re a person who aims to please. We apologize for bumping elbows with another person in the grocery store. We apologize to mothers holding their crying infants on airplanes. Hell, I’ve apologized to my vacuum cleaner for accidentally stepping on its cord. Why do we feel the need to apologize for situations completely out of our control, or not at all connected to us? As much as we want to make everything better for everyone, we can’t. Throwing unnecessary apologies around isn’t going to remedy the problem. Save them for when you really need them (like when you eat the last slice of your roomie’s pizza).
4. YOU’RE CONSTANTLY LOSING SLEEP. How often have you lied in bed at night, completely exhausted from the day you had yet unable to sleep because you can’t seem to turn off your mind? You’re replaying conversations you had, calculating what you could have done or said differently. You’re worrying about your job. Does your boss actually like you? Should you start job hunting as a precaution? When these thoughts begin creeping into your mind at night, remind yourself that, while you likely don’t have the power to control the situations, you DO have the power to choose not to worry. Close your eyes, take deep breaths, snuggle up, and try your best to let go.
5. YOU STRIVE FOR PERFECTION. You accept crap from pretty much everyone else in your life except, well, yourself. You make no excuses for yourself, and you’ll stop at nothing to achieve the goals you’ve set, whether large or small scale. You want to make your parents proud, your friends happy, the guy you’re crushing on like you back. The word ‘almost’ isn’t in your vocabulary. It’s all or nothing for you, and that’s why…
6. FAILURE MESSES WITH YOUR MIND. Big time. It throws your whole day, week, or even a year off balance. Suddenly, you feel as if you’ve taken one step forward and five thousand steps back. The problem with striving so intently for perfection is the extent to which you feel the disappointment that comes with not quite reaching it. When you give too many fucks in a no fucks given kind of world, this feeling of disappointment isn’t easily remedied. Find comfort in the promise of future opportunities, and take it easy on yourself. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again… and maybe take a nap (you deserve it).
7. YOU LIVE INSIDE OF YOUR HEAD. Your head is a scary place. I’d say it’s on par with spider infested forests and old, abandoned asylums. There are a million different thoughts floating around up there at any given moment—some good, some bad, some downright terrifying—and you’re alone. You try your damnedest to get out of there and live in the now, but you’re trapped inside your own mind, thinking about the past and the future and anything other than the present moment. Remember that you can’t change the past or control the future; all you have is the moment you’re living in now. Try to anchor yourself and stay there.
8. YOU FORGET TO REMEMBER TO BREATHE. The thing about giving too many fucks is the lack of fucks you tend to give for yourself. You need rest, proper nutrition, an hour long bubble bath, and a jumbo glass of wine. Okay, maybe you don’t need a jumbo glass of wine, but it definitely makes this whole life thing a little easier, no?
9. YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’RE DOING THIS ALONE. When you’re in a constant state of concern, it’s easy to feel alone in the way you perceive the world. You see the people in your life taking it easy, staying calm and collected, living without the existential fear of the future that has you by the hair. It may seem like you’re living on a completely different wavelength than the rest of the world, but trust me when I tell you that more people than you know are feeling worried and scared and trapped and hopeful….all at the same damn time. We may be alone in our heads, but we’re not alone in the world. Reach out, ask for help when you need it, and don’t forget the jumbo glass of wine.