Admit it: you love food. You don’t understand diets, you don’t get it when people say they’re ‘not hungry’ and you don’t know how to leave food on your plate when you’re full. Your daily calorie intake is not determined by some calorie-counting app, but rather by the hunger pangs in your stomach. You have a love-hate relationship with your meals. You love to eat, but hate what happens when you eat too much or too little. You are forever hungry, and forever struggling because of it.
You get hangry. Oh, don’t mind you. You’re just, you know, turning into a raging, irritable bitch the second you realize you haven’t eaten in a few hours. In times of hunger, you’ve definitely turned into the incredible hulk, said some things you’ve regretted and bitten off someone’s head. Oh yeah, it’s real.
You never have leftovers. You really wish your mother wouldn’t have told you to ‘finish your plate’ every day when you were a kid. Clean plate syndrome has become a real problem for you. It doesn’t matter how full you are, you’re finishing everything on that plate because it’s delicious and because you’re going to be hungry again in an hour, anyway.
Saving money is hard. There’s always a new restaurant, trending food item or new kitchen accessory that you find yourself spending money on, and it ain’t cheap! You’ve tried to set an eating budget, but you find yourself overspending nearly every single month.
You want to photograph everything you eat. Your Instagram is filled with food photos. You legitimately get mad when you’ve already dug into your dinner and realize you forgot to snap a pic.
You eat too fast. Every meal feels like your first meal in weeks. Forget chewing your food, you want to get rid of these hunger pangs pronto. Nothing is worse than the feeling of regret when you’ve eaten your food so fast that you didn’t even have time to process how full you are. And now you’re disgustingly full, awfully lethargic and likely undoing the top button of your pants.
Ordering food is stressful. There are so many choices. Do you stick with what you know or try something new? What if you order the wrong thing? What if your friend’s meal looks better than yours? You likely order more than you need just because you can’t decide.
You prioritize eating over getting ready. Forget grabbing a quick granola bar before heading out. You’ll easily skip out on doing your hair if it means you have time to eat a real meal.
Dinner dates are always a problem. You’re definitely not the girl who’s ordering a salad at dinner. You’re either ordering something messy that’s ending up on your face or you’re ordering something that looks delicious but is going to put you in a food coma for the rest of the date. And don’t even think about having good conversation before the meal comes when you’re starving and can’t think about anything other than the smell of food that surrounds you. You’re not up for talking while eating, either. Let’s face it – you came for the food.
You can never stick to a diet. You always want to lose an extra 10 lbs, but gaining another 5 seems to be much easier. Juice detoxes, no carbs and gluten-free just aren’t your thing.
People always think you’re deep in thought. But really, you’re just planning your next meal. You’re making mental notes of what to pick up at the grocery store, trying to remember what you have in your fridge and thinking about what recipes you’ve been meaning to try.
You eat your feelings. You celebrate with an elaborate dinner, you sulk with a tub of ice cream, and you offset your period with a bag of chips… or three.
You’re a sucker for ice cream. You believe you have a separate stomach for ice cream, because you can always fit it in no matter how full you are. Ice cream also equals forgiveness for you. It makes up for most arguments and disappointments – and no doubt you can be easily bribed.
Your jeans are always a bit too tight. You were stoked when wearing yoga pants became fashionable and you’re still hoping that having the top button undone on your jeans is going to become a trend.
You eat even when you aren’t hungry. If the food is in front of you, chances are you’re going to eat it. You’ll eat out of boredom, eat when you’re full and eat just because.
Everyone judges you when you order food. Waiters often tell you ‘it’s a lot of food’ and ask if you want to ‘just start with this for now’. When you go for all-you-can-eat sushi, the waitress always makes sure to explain that a roll of sushi comes with 6 pieces. You know this, and yes, you meant to order 4 rolls. Your takeout bag always comes loaded with at least two sets of cutlery. Your eyes may be bigger than your stomach, but you’re going to order extras anyways.
You plan your trips based on their cuisine. You’ll gladly fly to Spain for Paella, France for croissants and Italy for pasta. If you heard the food is bad, it’s likely not on your travel bucket list.
You actually want to eat at events. While your friends are busy scoping out the place for their next boyfriend, you can be found by the dessert table. You need to know in advance if food is going to be served at the party you’re going to so you know if you should eat before or not. The last thing you want to be is hungry.
You’re more excited for food after the bar than the actual bar. There’s nothing like post-bar drunk food at the late-night joint down the street. And you’ve often left the bar to make sure you get to take advantage before it closes.
You have constant regret. Why did I eat that?